Why to-do lists don’t work (especially for overwhelmed ADHDers)
To-do lists don’t work.
I know, that’s a bold statement—especially coming from an executive function coach. But if you’ve ever stared at a long list of tasks and felt completely stuck or guilty when you couldn’t finish it, you’re not alone.
To-do lists, on their own, aren’t enough to help you take action. They don’t tell you where to start, when to do something, or how to prioritize. Without the right system in place, they can quickly become overwhelming. But don’t worry—I’m not here to tell you to abandon them altogether. Instead, let’s talk about why they can feel impossible and what you can do to make them work for you.
Why Your Brain Rebels Against To-Do Lists
1. Your to-do list is too vague
If your to-do list says things like “work on presentation” or “clean the house,” your brain doesn’t know where to start. Every vague task actually contains multiple smaller steps. Without clarity, your brain avoids getting started altogether.
Fix it: Instead of “clean the house,” try “empty the dishwasher” or “wipe down the kitchen counters.” The more specific you are, the easier it is to take action.
2. Your to-do list is unrealistic
Many people make the mistake of writing a massive to-do list that covers a week’s worth of tasks and expecting to finish it all in a single day. When you inevitably don’t finish 7 days worth of work in 8 hours, you feel guilty and discouraged (which is so unfair!).
Fix it: Scale back. Prioritize a few key tasks each day and be honest about what’s actually doable. You don’t have to cross off everything to be productive.
3. To-do lists don’t help you figure out when to start the task
A list is just that—a list. It doesn’t tell you when you’re actually going to do each task, which can leave you feeling lost.
Fix it: Once you’ve written your list, take the next step and assign each task a time slot in your calendar. Even if it’s just a rough estimate, having a plan for when you’ll tackle something makes a huge difference. You don’t have to plan your entire day - just start with one task!
4. To-do lists create Overwhelm Instead of Action
For some people, just looking at their to-do list is enough to fry their brain. Instead of motivating action, it drains energy before anything even gets done.
Fix it: Break it down. Instead of a single overwhelming list, try categorizing tasks by priority, type, or time required. Keep it manageable so you don’t get stuck in decision paralysis.
More ways to make an ADHD-friendly to-do list
Instead of fighting your brain’s natural tendencies, let’s work with them. Here are some additional ADHD-friendly strategies for writing your to-do list:
1. Leverage External Accountability
If you struggle with follow-through, external structures like body doubling, coworking sessions, or coaching can help you get unstuck. (This is exactly what we do in my coaching membership, Stuck to Started!)
2. Plan for Transitions
Starting is often the hardest part. Build in transition time between tasks, and use cues like a timer or a favorite song to signal it’s time to shift gears.
3. Make It Dopamine-Friendly
Your brain craves stimulation. Pair boring tasks with something enjoyable—like listening to a podcast while cleaning—or create a reward system to make progress more satisfying.
Ready to Ditch the Overwhelming To-Do List?
If you’re tired of spinning your wheels and want ADHD-friendly strategies that actually work, come join my coaching membership, Stuck to Started. Inside, you’ll get the right mix of flexibility, structure, accountability, and expert support you need to finally get things done in a way that works for your brain.
Click [here] to learn more and join us!
Curious about joining the Stuck to Started coaching membership?
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Sarah Lovell (00:04.364)
This might be a controversial thing to say as an executive function coach, but here we go. To-do lists don't work, at least not on their own. If you've ever stared at a long list of tasks and felt completely paralyzed or guilty when you can't start or finish the list, you are not alone. Today, we're talking about why to-do lists can be so overwhelming and strategies to make them
work for you. I'll walk you through the extra tools you need to actually take action on your to-do list, prioritize what matters, and stop ending the day feeling guilty about all of the things that you didn't get to. I'm really glad you're here today. Music, intro.
Sarah Lovell (00:56.674)
To-do lists don't work. Is that validating for you? Is that heartbreaking for you? Is this an aha liberating moment for you? Like it's not me, it's my to-do list, right? So I just have to like start off by saying I actually do love to-do lists. I write them all the time. And I have strategies.
and tools that help me make my to-do list work for me. I truly do think that they can be a helpful tool when you are using them in a way that works for your brain. But to-do lists alone are not enough. If you are just writing out a massive list of things that you need to do or want to do and feeling so overwhelmed that you can't get started, you're not alone.
And I don't want you to like write off to to-do lists completely. And I heard that pun as I said it, right? think like people fall into different camps around to-do lists. Some people love them. They write them every day. They color code them. They get that like dopamine hit when they check things off. They're here for to-do lists. They are teen to-do lists. And then some people hate them or overwhelmed by them.
or avoid them completely. And if you fall into either of those camps, I want you to know this podcast episode is for you. This podcast episode is for everyone because you shouldn't have to try to remember everything. You deserve a system that helps you keep track of things. It's truly impossible for most people. There is a small percentage of folks, I've worked with a few of them.
who can just remember everything. Like their brain is this amazing encyclopedia library of all the things, but that's not most of us. And you know yourself if you fall into that category, if you're the exception on memory. But most of us can't remember everything. It's truly impossible. You have too many things to keep track of. And...
Sarah Lovell (03:18.518)
I've worked with clients before who are like, well, I just should be able to remember. I should remember I need to do this thing because it's so important. Or I should be able to remember that I want to do this because I'm excited about it. I should be able to remember all these things I have to do for work because I do them all the time. And did you hear all the shoulds? And you know how I feel about shoulds. Whenever there's a should, we have to challenge that thought. And most of the time, it's not true.
or it's not 100 % accurate. And so you deserve an external reminder system to help you remember those things, the things you want to do, the things you need to do, the things that you're excited about, the things that are repetitive. And this can come in many different forms. Many of us think of this as a to-do list. It could be paper, it could be electronic.
It could be that you're using your Siri or your Alexa to create reminders and create this external list for you, external system. Whatever it is, you deserve something outside of your brain to keep track of things. And like I said, I love to-do lists because I have a system that works for me. You do not need to love to-do lists, but I wanna share a couple of reasons why you might
not have a positive relationship or experience with to-do lists and some strategies to adjust it if you're somebody that you want to write things down again in lots of different ways to keep track of things. So the first problem with to-do lists and why to-do lists don't work for many people is because it's too vague. If your to-do list is just a long list or even a short list of things that say like,
work on presentation or clean house, what does that actually mean? What is the starting point? And for most of the things that you're writing on the to-do list vaguely, there are actually 10 steps that action item on your to-do list has its own to-do list, right? And I'm not trying to overwhelm you here, but if work on presentation is on your to-do list,
Sarah Lovell (05:41.804)
it's really hard for your brain to know where to get started. Even if you can say, Sarah, I know the first step is I have to brainstorm or I need to do some research or whatever, right? Then write that down. Make your to-do list more specific. So instead of clean house, maybe it's, you know, empty dishwasher. Whoa, that's so specific. Your brain knows exactly what to do, exactly how to get started. So when it's too vague,
Our brains avoid starting.
Sarah Lovell (06:17.716)
Uncertainty or lack of clarity leads to inaction. So you need to make it more specific.
Sarah Lovell (06:28.002)
The other problem with to-do lists and why to-do lists don't work is that they're unrealistic. I talked about this in my last episode. If you haven't listened to that one yet, highly recommend. It basically is hopefully validating that like you, it's not possible to do a four mile long to-do lists when that is a week's worth of tasks and you're trying to do that in one day. And then that creates guilt, right? At the end of the day, I didn't finish my to-do list.
Most of us don't finish our to-do list. And so we have to create more realistic to-do lists. We have to take things off our plate. We have to prioritize. So another problem with to-do lists and why they don't work for a lot of people is because a to-do list doesn't help you figure out when to do the task. I had a client once we were brain dumping what was on her plate, the projects she had, creating all these different categories of things.
And it was like, she was a list person, I'm a list person. It was a beautiful, organized, prioritized list. And she said something, she was like, okay, but when am I going to do this? Right? And I was like, yes, you are 100 % correct. This list doesn't help you figure out when to do the task. That is the next step. That is another tool that you need to take action on this to-do list.
Right, so figuring out how to Tetris things into your calendar, figuring out how to prioritize, right? A to-do list doesn't necessarily help you prioritize. And so that's another reason why they don't tend to work for people. If you look at your list and you're like, okay, but where do I start? When do I do it? You're not alone. You just need other tools in your toolbox to pair with this to-do list.
And I mean, I kind of already mentioned this, but like this creates overwhelm for a lot of people. So to-do lists, to look at it, you're like, my gosh, I've just put so much energy into writing this and to thinking about it that my brain is now fried and I don't have the capacity to take action because there's that overwhelm. And because you're missing the other tools for time management, prioritizing, planning, right? To-do lists don't, like I said, they don't.
Sarah Lovell (08:49.912)
give you those additional tools, you need to pull those from your toolbox to help you take action. And so that's what I mean when I say to-do lists don't work. I don't wanna like, you know, stir the pot and everyone, you know, not that people are talking about this, but like, my gosh, Sarah hates to-do lists. No, I don't hate to-do lists. But I want to validate you that if you're like, I write my to-do list, but I can't do it. That's what I mean. Like to-do lists don't work if you don't have the right additional tools to pull from.
And it's also a huge I mean, it's I'm coming back around to my thing that I always talk about self-talk, right? Self-talk is the I'm start over
Sarah Lovell (09:36.334)
So the other thing that we have to take into consideration when I talk about tools in your toolbox, the tool that I always talk about, self-talk, right? Again, the foundation of your executive functioning, the foundation of your ability to pull tools from your toolbox. And so again, we need to practice being kinder to yourself, practice giving yourself permission to do less. And I know that seems counterintuitive if you're like, okay, but I'm not actually taking action on my to-do list.
So how can I give myself permission to do less if I'm not doing anything? If you're paralyzed and overwhelmed, part of that is saying, it's okay that I'm not going to get 150 things done today because that is not reality. But I can give myself permission to focus on these five things or these three things or this one thing to get started. And then it's gonna be so much easier to...
take some action. I'm not saying it's going to be the easiest or like, you know, I still want to validate that it's hard to take action, but it's going to be easier if you're giving yourself permission to start with a more realistic bar. And then I've already started talking about the additional tools that you need for your toolbox. So I'll share a couple of like the ones that I use that I enjoy. So time management.
If you're somebody, if you struggle with time blindness and not knowing how long things will take or not feeling the passing of time, like was that three minutes or was that three hours? I love this app called Llama Life. And this is not a ad for them. I'm not...
It's not sponsored. I just use it and I love it. And I use this in my membership whenever we do co-working. I pull it up on my screen. It creates this beautiful visual of your to-do list and you put in how long you think things will take. And it has a countdown pie chart so you can see time passing. And it also tells you if...
Sarah Lovell (11:57.9)
you go over time, you can track that. So if you're like, I thought responding to emails was gonna take 20 minutes today, but it actually took 40, right? It gives you that little data point for yourself of like, okay, next time I put emails on my to-do list, which is every day, I'm going to give myself more time to do this because it took longer today than I thought. So I'm a huge fan of Llama Life and it's a beautiful app. It's easy to use.
They offer free trial. Again, this is not sponsored. I just love them. But if you're basically one of the main takeaways with time management is, again, having a visual. So using a like analog clock or a countdown clock to help you kind of see the passing of time can be really helpful. Another tool to add to your toolbox is prioritizing.
And so this ties in with time management of what order are you going to do things? And I do entire workshops on prioritizing in my membership because it's such a huge topic, but I'm going to share two of my favorite questions that I use and that clients have borrowed and you can borrow. I've shared them here before. But one of the questions I really like is what's going to make the most impact for me right now or today.
And so sometimes that helps me look at, okay, I really wanna make sure I record a podcast episode today. So I'm gonna bump that up on my to-do list. Or what's gonna make the most impact for me right now is getting up and moving so that I can focus when I go to my meeting this afternoon, right? So again, it helps you kind of look at, look at your priorities and do some of the shuffling. Another question I really like is what will happen if I don't start this task today?
because sometimes that helps with the permission of, yeah, I don't need to do X, Y, Z today because it isn't time sensitive. That one gets a little tricky if we keep kicking things down the road, but it can help with that. Like if you have 150 things on your to-do list, you know you're not gonna do them all. What will happen if I don't start this today? That's okay, I can reprioritize. And then...
Sarah Lovell (14:22.606)
Task switching is another tool that you need in your toolbox to use with a to-do list. Task switching is really, really complicated for a lot of people because it requires all of your executive functioning skills. It requires some planning of like, what's coming up next? What am I going to be task switching to? But it also requires you to start something, which can be really, really hard for people. And then once...
Once you do get started, if you're somebody that gets into a flow or a hyper focus, then it becomes really hard to stop both starting and stopping tasks can be really, really hard. And so I just want to validate that as a challenge for to-do lists is that if you have, even if things are related, it can be really hard to switch from one task on your list to the other. And so that
that takes complicated practice and skill building. And I will write myself a note to do a whole episode on task switching because it's just so complicated. But for the purposes of this episode, I just want to validate you if you're someone that struggles with switching between tasks, you're not alone. And if that's part of your challenge with to-do list, like I just want to pair that and validate that for you.
Another solution to making your to-do list work better for you is writing it in a different way. And when I say writing, so this could be handwritten, it could be electronic, it could be apps, right? There's endless possibilities for ways for you to externalize the things that you need to remember and the things that you want and need to do.
Oftentimes when I see people who are using to-do lists that don't work for them, they basically just have a giant jumble, right? Like it's a long list or, you know, multiple places, which there's nothing wrong with having to-do lists in multiple places if that works for you, but they don't have a strategy for writing their to-do list. They just write things down as they remember them or as they pop up.
Sarah Lovell (16:46.956)
And so it becomes this kind of like jumbled disconnected thing, which makes it really hard to prioritize, to figure out when you're gonna start stuff and to task switch because your brain is going into this like messy list, right? And if a messy list works for you, keep it up. I want to validate like there's no one right or wrong way to do anything. If you have a system that works for you, do that.
But I've seen that for a lot of people, not everybody, the messy to-do list doesn't work. And so the next episode, next podcast episode, I'm going to share a super cool, simple strategy that I help clients with to create to-do lists that actually help them with task switching, actually allow them to work with their energy and gives them a mixture of structure and flexibility.
because your brain needs both. Even if you think you fall into one camp or the other, like if you're like, no, I need full freedom or no, I need my calendar scheduled down to the minute. Your brain does want a mixture of both. Your brain wants a mixture of structure and flexibility. And you can be like 90 % flexibility, 10 % structure or the other way around, that's fine. But your brain does crave a little bit of both.
Because if you have too much structure, sometimes we push up against it. Or if we miss, you know, we miss the deadline on something or the start on something, our brain goes into overdrive and is like, well, now my structure is messed up. I can't keep going. Or if you have too much flexibility, for some people, they're like, what do I choose? All my options are options, right? That can be a little bit overwhelming. Or you might start down a path that isn't actually the direction that you need to be going down. But you're like,
free-spiriting it, right? So your brain needs a structure of both, a mixture of both, structure and flexibility. And so I help clients create what I call like buckets or menus. And in the interest of keeping my episodes close to 20 minutes as possible, that's going to be next episode. I'm going to walk you through what that process looks like. And it would be just a different way to think about your to-do lists.
Sarah Lovell (19:13.422)
And that's actually the workshop I'm leading in Stuck to Started this month, April 2025. So if you want to do it live with me, make sure you join Stuck to Started. There's a link in the bio. But I will say before I start wrapping up, the other strategy that can be really helpful for navigating to-do lists is creating some accountability and support. So whether that's
body doubling, co-working, asking for help, being around other people, that can be a really helpful way to navigate a to-do list, right? To get started on things is having accountability, support, community, that type of stuff. And as always, keep giving yourself credit. Keep practicing that. So I want to help you add tools to your toolbox to make your to-do list
work for you. So make sure you subscribe to the podcast wherever you're listening so you get notified when next week's episode airs. Like I said, I'm going to walk you through that strategy that I help clients with. And if you wanna do it live with me in stuck to started, come join us. There's a link in the show notes or you can go to executivefunctioningfirst.com slash membership.
And no worries if you can't come to events live, if you're like, I'm so excited about this workshop. I record all of them. They're in our resource library. And I'm constantly helping members work through past workshops, even in real time in our community feed. So looking forward to chatting with you more next week about buckets and menus and new ways to navigate your to-do list. Take good care, and I will talk to you again soon.
