"Why can't I finish my to-do list?" 5 Tips to manage overwhelm as a perfectionist
Why You Can’t Finish Your To-Do List (And What to Do About It)
Ever feel like your to-do list is running the show and you never actually finish it? No matter how much you check off, there’s always more waiting for you. If your overwhelming to-do list makes you feel like you’re constantly behind, you’re not alone.
The problem isn’t you. It’s the unrealistic expectations and the constant pressure to do more. Plus if you have ADHD and experience challenges with executive functioning, like time blindness and prioritization it can make finishing your to-do list even harder.
The good news? There are ways to work with your brain instead of against it.
Let’s break down why you can’t finish your to-do list and five practical strategies to help you regain control.
Why Your To-Do List Feels Impossible to Finish
1. You’re Trying to Do Too Much in One Day
Most of us plan two to three days' worth of tasks for a single day without realizing it. When you don’t finish everything, your brain tells you that you failed—even though you set yourself up with an impossible goal.
2. Your Brain Focuses on What’s Not Done
Ever notice how, at the end of the day, you remember what you didn’t finish instead of what you did? That’s because of all-or-nothing thinking—your brain assumes if everything isn’t done, nothing really counts.
3. Perfectionism is Sneaking In
If you feel like things need to be done perfectly before you can check them off, that’s perfectionism in disguise. It leads to procrastination, avoidance, and an even longer to-do list.
4. Your To-Do List Lacks Prioritization
Not everything on your list is equally urgent, but when everything feels like a priority, it’s hard to decide what to tackle first. This leads to decision fatigue and feeling stuck.
5. You’re Underestimating How Long Tasks Take
Many people with ADHD struggle with time blindness, meaning they don’t accurately predict how long things will take. This makes it easy to overload your schedule without realizing it.
5 ADHD-Friendly Strategies to actually finish your (realistic) To-Do List
1. Notice & Name What’s Happening
The first step in breaking this cycle is awareness. When you catch yourself saying, “I didn’t get enough done,” pause and notice it. Ask yourself:
Did I set an unrealistic goal?
Am I ignoring the things I did accomplish?
Is perfectionism making this task harder than it needs to be?
2. Reality-Test Your To-Do List
Instead of assuming you’ll magically finish everything, check your expectations:
How much actual time do I have today?
What tasks are essential vs. nice to finish?
What’s my energy level, and how can I plan around it?
3. Give Yourself Permission to Do Less
If you expect to finish 10 tasks and only complete 5, it feels like failure. But if you intentionally choose 5 tasks and complete them all, you feel accomplished. Same outcome—different mindset. And maybe you’ll have energy and momentum to do a few extra tasks (but those can be considered bonuses)!
Try this: Make a “done” list. At the end of the day, write down everything you finished (especially things you don’t normally give yourself credit for, like taking breaks when you need them!). This helps train your brain to recognize progress & give yourself more credit.
4. Challenge Your All-or-Nothing Thinking
If you can’t finish everything, your brain might tell you that you’ve failed. Instead, reframe it:
"I didn’t finish my list." → "I can give myself credit for the things I did do."
"I didn’t do enough." → "I made progress, and that counts."
5. Adjust Perfectionist Expectations
Perfectionism can make small tasks take way longer than necessary. Ask yourself:
Does this actually need to be perfect? (Spoiler: the answer is almost always “no”)
Can I lower the bar slightly and still get it done well?
Would 80% be “good enough” instead of aiming for 110%?
Final Thoughts: You’re Doing More Than You Think
Your never-ending to-do list isn’t a reflection of your productivity—it’s often a reflection of unrealistic expectations. By adjusting your mindset, prioritizing realistically, and giving yourself more credit, you can start managing your tasks in a way that actually works for your brain.
If you want more personalized strategies like this, let’s explore executive function coaching! \
Curious about working with an executive function coach?
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Sarah Lovell (00:01.228)
At the end of the day, do you feel like you should have gotten more things done and then feel the shame and guilt carry over into the next day along with everything that's left on your to-do list? You are not alone. And the problem isn't you. The problem is impossible expectations, the never ending to-do list and possibly executive functioning challenges like time blindness and prioritizing.
So today I'm breaking down why this happens, how you can plan in a way that actually works for your brain and give yourself more credit. So let's dive in. Music and intro.
Ahem.
Sarah Lovell (00:51.202)
The other day, my partner got home from work and asked me how my day was. And I responded, good, but I didn't get as much done as I wanted to. And I had this immediate, like, physical response to my own answer there, because that's an answer that I give often. Good, but I didn't get as much done as I wanted to. And I had like this aha moment. I don't know what it was about this day. Maybe it's because I'm doing more.
of this reflection work on my own perfectionism. But I basically didn't give myself credit for all of the things that I did do that day. My brain was autopiloting to highlight, spotlight, put all the focus on. I didn't get these things done that I wanted to. And in reality, I had a really good day. I had client meetings, I prepped for a workshop. I was, you know,
doing okay with catching up on emails, right? Like it was overall a good day, but my brain wouldn't let me have that. My brain was like, you didn't finish everything on your to-do list. You didn't do everything that you quote unquote should have done. And this is something that, you know, I'm constantly talking about with clients, this idea that, you know, it's basically impossible to finish your to-do list. And that's exactly what we're gonna talk about today.
But you know, I've had clients, we talk about their plan for the day. And when I start asking them questions, we realize that their to do list is like two to three days worth of work. And so that's why you can't get it done in one day. And it feels really awful when our brain is telling us you should be able to do three days worth of work in one day.
And so today I'm gonna share five strategies that you can start using immediately to make navigating your ridiculous to-do list a little bit easier. And this is something that I am constantly practicing myself as a human being and as an executive function coach. So this is, takes practice to do this. But we're gonna talk through some realistic strategies that you can start using. But before I do that, I wanna talk about why
Sarah Lovell (03:17.164)
this happens, and I've already alluded to it a little bit, but if you fall into this camp, which many of us do, of feeling like you're not getting enough done, you're not as productive as you should be, you should be able to do more, part of the problem is that you're putting too much pressure on yourself, and society is putting too much pressure on you, right?
we get this messaging of do more, do better, do faster. and if you're getting it done, do more, which is not great messaging. And I'm not out here trying to solve society, but I wish I could. But what I am hoping to do today is to help you give yourself permission to notice, well, notice that this is happening and give yourself permission that it's okay to do less.
because you're juggling a thousand things. Everybody is busy. Work, school, kids, self-care, all of the things that life throws unexpectedly that get added to your to-do list. so managing all of these tasks requires all of your executive function skills. And so this is overwhelming and challenging for most people at baseline. But if you're somebody who struggles with
You're not sure how to prioritize. Task switching is like a nightmare for you. Then all of this is going to be that much harder. And I'm saying that because I hope it's validating. If you fall into that camp, I want you to know like what you're doing is hard. Life is hard at baseline. And if you're struggling with executive functioning skills, life is even harder. And part of that
challenge is that you don't have the right tools yet to plan. And so part of what happens is your to-do list becomes unrealistic because you're not sure how long things take. Or if you're somebody who struggles with time management and you, know, things get pushed up to the deadline and you feel like you're chronically trying to catch up, it becomes even harder to do things.
Sarah Lovell (05:36.278)
And so that feeling of, I didn't do enough, I wasn't productive enough carries over into the next day. And then it becomes really hard to not only do the thing, but it becomes really hard to rest and reset because the shame and guilt that your brain is just spewing out at you. And then so that overwhelm continues. And I'm going to share, I promise in a few minutes, some strategies to help you with that because it's unfair that you feel that way.
And I wanna just like validate that if you experience that to any degree of like chronically to just occasionally, you're in the right place. And part of the reason that that happens is our brains are wired, many of us, into this all or nothing thinking. And so basically you can't give yourself credit unless you do everything, which as I've just said is physically, literally impossible.
And so your brain gives you credit for nothing, which feels awful. And that's exactly what happened to me when my partner came home and was like, hey, Sarah, how was your day? And I said, good, but I didn't get enough done, right? I didn't get as much done as I wanted to. And so that...
for a second.
Sarah Lovell (06:59.032)
So what we need to be able to do in that situation is practice giving yourself credit. I'm jumping ahead to some of the strategies. But the other thing about our brain and all or nothing thinking or perfectionism is if you have open loops, and what I mean by open loops is if you have projects on your to-do list that you've started but you haven't finished because it takes time to do it, you're waiting to hear back from somebody, right? You're in this limbo of you've started but you haven't finished yet.
it's an extended project, your brain isn't necessarily giving you credit for starting those projects. It's waiting until you close the loop, how I think about it, and fully check off the box. And so again, that all or nothing perfectionism thinking is popping up. And so I'm a broken record on this, but self-talk keeps you stuck. It keeps you overwhelmed and it keeps you feeling awful. So the strategies to navigate this.
So first we have to notice that this is actually happening. And if you've listened to past episodes, you know that this is typically my first step with anything is that we have to notice that it is happening and name it, right? So naming it might be like, I'm not giving myself credit right now, or my brain is in all or nothing mode, or I'm only focusing on the things that are left.
open on my to-do list, right? And so you have to notice a name that it's happening so that you can move into step two, which is challenging those thoughts. So I'll use myself as an example here. My day was good, but I didn't get as much done as I wanted to. So I was able to challenge that thought and say,
Okay, but I did all of these other things that my brain is not giving myself credit for. So I want to give myself credit for doing X, Y, and Z. What are other things that I wouldn't normally give myself credit for? Right? Like I take my dogs on a walk every single day. and I never really give myself credit for that. Right. It takes time. It takes energy. but it, it, is something that's part of my routine and it's like, could I give myself credit for that? Could I give myself credit for, you know,
Sarah Lovell (09:19.18)
moving my body, having some mindful time, getting outside, right? So the more that we practice challenging those thoughts, reframing those thoughts, it becomes easier for your brain when it autopilots to the, didn't get this done or you don't get credit for this, to more quickly bounce back and say, but look at all these other things I did do. And if you're like, Sarah, I had a day where I did nothing or a day where it did truly feel like a not great day,
those days happen. And I think that's where it's even more important to practice this kindness with yourself to say, okay, I needed to take some space. I needed to give myself time to rest. I needed a reset. I can change and shift and adjust tomorrow or in the next hour, right? It doesn't necessarily need to be a new day to restart. So step one, naming it and noticing it.
Two, you're challenging your thoughts. You're being kinder to yourself. You're practicing that new self-talk, right? Step three is you are reality testing your to-do list. This is something I do every single day in my personal life and something that I help clients with. So most of us, when we write out our to-do list, if you're a to-do list person, totally fine if you're not.
But when you think about what your day is going to look like or what you want it to look like, or all the things that you feel like you should be able to finish or start, most of us are not able to accurately guess, estimate how long things will take, the unexpected things that are going to pop up and like jump into your day. And so even for me as an executive function coach, when I write out my to-do list or when I think about my day,
the first thing I do is reality test it. And I rarely write out an accurate to-do list where I'm like, yeah, everything on this is going to get started or finished today. And so it's looking at how much time do I have? What is my energy like? What resources do I have for doing these projects and these steps and all of these things that are on my list? And then I, in my life, I then go in and...
Sarah Lovell (11:43.51)
move some things like, yeah, this is not gonna happen today, or this would be a bonus if I get to this, right? It feels so much better when you can adjust your list. And so that moves into step four. And this one is going to maybe, for some of you, feel liberating. For some of you, this might add more stress, but here it comes. Step four is give yourself permission to do less.
give yourself permission to do less. So when I reality test my to-do list, this is part of that. If I have 10 things on my to-do list and I'm reality testing what my schedule looks like, how much free time I have, what my energy is, if I have 10 things on my list and I only get five done, I personally feel awful. I'm like, oh, I should, right? The should start popping up. But if I reality test my list,
and say, okay, these things, it would be so nice if I could do them, but that's just not reality today. And so I'm going to take a few of these off and consider them bonuses. If I get to these, great, but if not, these are the five things that I wanna try to get done today or start today. And if I get five out of five things done, I'm going to feel better. And maybe I have some energy or motivation or,
like momentum to do a sixth thing, right? And this is that same to-do list, right? Getting five done out of 10 doesn't feel good. Getting five done out of five feels better, right? But it comes back to that self-talk of giving yourself permission to do less and reality testing. Like there's no way I can get these 10 things done with everything that's on my calendar and everything that's on my plate. And...
without a doubt, something from the universe is gonna get thrown, a wrench is gonna get thrown into my day, right? And so this requires a ton of executive functioning skills, time management, planning, prioritizing, organizing, like calendaring, right? And so this is what I like helping clients do in Stuck2Started and in one-on-one coaching is like reality test your plan, adjust your plan, and then use tools to help you navigate that.
Sarah Lovell (14:06.568)
cause if you don't have the right tools in your toolbox, I know that this can be overwhelming. another way that you can give yourself permission to do less, if you're a perfectionist is check in on what your perfectionistic brain is telling you. And so this might relate directly to the to-do list. Like I need to get 10 things done, but it could also be specifically about a project and what that project should in quotes look like.
So is your perfectionistic brain telling you that the presentation for work needs to be Ted talk worthy, beautiful, professionally designed graphic, like graphic design slides, and you have it memorized and you know, this is the biggest presentation of your life. It needs to be perfect. When in reality, it's a presentation that is done pretty regularly.
It is not that big of a deal, but your perfectionistic brain wants you to elevate it to that. So how can you adjust your expectations? So maybe it's saying, okay, I'm not doing a TED talk, but this presentation needs to hit these three points and follow my company's brand guidelines. And I'm not a graphic designer and it's okay if the slides are not, you know, 100 % gorgeous, beautiful, you know, that type of thing.
Right, so how can you adjust your expectations of if your perfectionistic brain is telling you it needs to be 110%, can you adjust it, drop it down a little bit, and maybe check in on like, can this be fine, better, or best, right? Can it be slightly, slightly adjusted from perfect? And then the fifth and final step in, or,
restart.
Sarah Lovell (16:02.914)
The fifth strategy here is giving yourself more credit. And I know I've been talking about that, but it needs its own standalone bullet because it's so important. And so yes, this can be like a mental practice at the end of the day, noticing yourself talk, being kinder to yourself. Like I gave the example earlier of going back and saying, well, what did I do? Right? I like to call this a done list. And you can do this mentally. If you're somebody who journals, you can write it out in your journal.
If you're commuting home from work, it might be like at a stoplight, you're thinking about what are three things that I did today that I wanna give myself credit for. And like I said earlier, they don't have to be the big things. It doesn't have to be, you know, I got my inbox to inbox zero, cause one that's not realistic or like anybody who talks about inbox zero, I don't believe them. That can be a separate episode. But it could be like I took a 10 minute break
and like felt better afterwards, right? I felt refreshed afterwards, right? We don't give ourselves credit for taking breaks. We give ourselves credit for hustling and pushing through and getting things done. And so yeah, you can give yourself credit for that, but give yourself credit for the little things too that you normally wouldn't give yourself credit for. And I know I just like powered through these strategies. If you're somebody, if you're like me, if you're a visual learner,
and you want to see these written out, each podcast episode has a blog post on my website that goes with it. And it is a very skimmable bullet point type blog post, very short paragraphs. Like it's very quick to like skim through it. So if you want to read a summary of what I just talked about, cause I know I'm like speaking rapid fire today, you can click the link in the show notes.
and you'll be able to read everything that I just talked through. And I just wanna say before we wrap up, like everything I talked about today is easier said than done. I am making this sound easy. Like here are five steps, just do these and you'll feel less overwhelmed. That is not what I want your takeaway to be. Like this is a constant practice. Your brain is hardwired. If you're somebody who experiences chronic overwhelm, if you get imperfection,
Sarah Lovell (18:31.35)
If you get into perfectionism loops, your brain is wired to think and react a certain way, but you can rewire your brain each time you think a different way and each time you practice a new strategy. And this is my favorite thing to help people with as an executive function and ADHD coach, because I've said it before and I'll say it a million more times, your self-talk is the foundation of your executive functioning.
So if you feel overwhelmed trying to apply this to your own life, please know that you are not alone. You do not have to figure this out on your own. You can click the link in my show notes to learn about different ways you can get support, including reading a summary of this on the blog, my coaching membership, one-on-one coaching, right? There's lots of different ways to get support. But I'm so, so glad that you're here in my podcast community because listening to this,
is a way to start doing that process. Like you're already doing the work just by being here and listening to this. So I just want you to know, I appreciate you being in my community. I appreciate you wanting to learn about these new things, to practice giving yourself more credit and to start making gentle shifts in your life so that you can feel better about navigating your to-do list and all of the things that life throws at you every single day.
The next few episodes are going to be about to-do lists. Whether you love them or hate them, I promise the episodes are for you because you deserve a way to keep track of things in your life that works for you. And to-do lists aren't for everyone. I'm gonna talk about that. But I'm glad you're here and thank you so much for being part of my community.
