How to Manage ADHD Overwhelm When Your To-Do List Feels Impossible
How to Manage ADHD Overwhelm When Your To-Do List Feels Impossible
If your to-do list feels impossibly long and you're stuck in a cycle of avoidance, analysis paralysis, and guilt—you’re not alone. This kind of ADHD overwhelm is incredibly common, and it’s not about needing more discipline.
In this episode of the From Stuck to Started podcast, I share how executive functioning and overwhelm are connected and offer mindset shifts and strategies you can use to get unstuck and take action—even when everything feels like too much.
Why You’re Not Finishing Your To-Do List (and Why That’s Okay)
A client recently asked me, “Why can’t I finish my to-do list every day? Do I just need to be more disciplined?”
Here’s the truth:
Your to-do list is probably unrealistic to begin with.
Life doesn’t slow down, and new tasks keep getting added.
If you have executive dysfunction, estimating time, prioritizing, and getting started can be especially challenging.
You don’t need to finish your entire list. You don’t need to be more disciplined. What you need is permission, perspective, and a few tools.
Step 1: Start With Self-Talk
Before you look for a system or strategy, pause and notice what your inner voice is saying.
If your brain is telling you things like, “I should be able to do all of this,” or “What’s wrong with me?”—that’s where we start.
Give yourself permission to not finish everything today.
Remind yourself: no one finishes their entire list in one day. That’s not the goal. The goal is to get started and make progress in a way that feels good and works for you.
Step 2: Name the ADHD Overwhelm
When you're stuck in ADHD paralysis or avoidance, try naming what you’re feeling.
Saying “I’m overwhelmed” or “I don’t know where to start” can help calm your brain.
It sounds simple, but it’s powerful.
Step 3: Regulate Before You Problem-Solve
You can’t access your executive function skills when you’re in panic mode. Even one deep breath can help create space between you and the overwhelm.
Don’t have a big toolbox of regulation strategies? Start with your breath. It’s always available.
Step 4: Brain Dump (But Not Into a To-Do List)
Get everything out of your head. This helps create space, even if you never look at it again.
Try categorizing your brain dump by:
Project
Location
Energy level
And remember:
This is not your to-do list.
Think of it as a menu of options.
Step 5: Break It Down Into Action Steps
One of the biggest challenges with executive dysfunction is starting.
So instead of writing “clean the house,” write:
Take papers off the kitchen counter
Load dishwasher
Wipe down the stove
Keep your tasks tiny. The smaller and more specific, the better.
Step 6: Rethink Prioritizing
You do not have to start with the most important or urgent thing.
Ask yourself:
What’s something small I can do to get moving?
What task would make the most impact for me today?
For me, that’s often taking the dogs out or emptying the dishwasher. These give me a clear start and finish, take just a few minutes, and help me shift into action.
Step 7: Pace Yourself (Seriously)
When you start making progress, it’s tempting to go full steam ahead.
But if you burn out, you risk going right back into ADHD overwhelm.
Try:
Setting a visual timer for short work sprints
Taking micro-breaks before you need them
Giving yourself a realistic pace for the day
Step 8: Give Yourself Credit
Your brain will automatically remind you of everything you didn’t do.
So make it a practice to pause and ask:
What did I actually do today?
What can I give myself credit for?
This shift in self-talk matters. Over time, it rewires how you view progress and productivity.
Managing overwhelm with ADHD doesn’t mean doing more—it means doing things differently.
It means shifting your expectations, adjusting your self-talk, and using strategies that actually work for your brain.
You don’t have to do it all. And you definitely don’t have to do it alone.
Thanks for being here. I’m glad you are.
Want More Support With ADHD and Executive Dysfunction?
If you want to go deeper, I’ve created a free private podcast called The ADHD Action Plan. It walks you through the exact formula I use in my coaching:
Self-Talk
Systems
Support
Each episode is 10 minutes or less and help you build your toolbox so you can take action that works for you (without “shoulding” yourself!).
You can sign up here: executivefunctioningfirst.com/privatepodcast
Curious about joining the Stuck to Started coaching membership?
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Sarah Lovell (00:01.08)
When there's a million things on your to-do list and you're overwhelmed, it's easy to spiral into analysis paralysis, avoidance, and guilt, which then leads to even more things being piled on, which leads to even more overwhelmed paralysis and guilt, which is such an awful feeling and a really difficult cycle to break out of. Today, I'm sharing some concrete tools and mindset shifts that you can use to help you navigate
that overwhelm and the never-ending to-do list. Plus some practical strategies to help you take action when it feels impossible to get started on literally anything. You do not have to do it all and you don't have to do it alone. I'm glad you're here.
Music, intro.
Sarah Lovell (00:55.726)
In our small group coaching call in my coaching membership Stuck to Started, a member asked a question recently that really stuck out and I've heard before. So I want to share it here in case it's a question that you find yourself asking or that connects with you. So the member asked, why can't I finish my to-do list every day? Do I need to be more disciplined? And that question is like heartbreaking to me.
because of all the shoulds and heaviness that come with it, like this feeling that you should be able to do everything on your list. And if you can't, that there's something wrong, or that it's your fault, or that you should be doing things differently, or you should have these different tools in your toolbox, like discipline. And I was very quick to jump in to answer this question with
you do not need to finish your to-do list every day. You want to, you want to check the boxes, you want to get things off of your plate, and that would be ideal in a perfect world. But there are so many things keeping you from keeping up with your to-do list. And so as with all of my coaching that I do,
in one-on-one coaching, in small groups, in my membership, in workshops, on this podcast. Everything starts with self-talk. And so before you can jump to, what's gonna help me finish my to-do list or what's gonna help me catch up with my to-do list, you have to check in on what your brain is telling you. And so if your brain is telling you, you should be more disciplined, you should be able to do this. We're gonna start there. And so...
It's permission giving. You will not start everything on your to-do list today. You will not finish everything on your to-do list today, and that is okay. Your to-do list is unrealistically long, and that's because of the pace of life. That's because you have so many things being thrown at you. It never stops. I wish I had a magic wand to just slow down time for people.
Sarah Lovell (03:22.2)
But what happens is you end up holding yourself to this unrealistic expectation to try to do everything, which for a lot of people can be paralyzing to the point that you're getting less done than if you adjusted your expectations. And if you came in with some softer, kinder self-talk, there is not enough time.
in the day or fuel in your tank to do everything. And if you experience challenges with executive functioning, so if you're not sure how long things will take, if you don't realize how many steps are involved until you get started on a project, you know, if you have a difficulty time figuring out what to start on or how to start, you're not alone. Obviously, that's why I have this podcast, because there's lots of people who experience that.
but that adds to this challenge of your to-do list is literally three pages long and it's just not realistic to do everything. So don't feel bad if you're not doing your whole to-do list. I say that a lot to clients. Realistically, nobody is out here finishing their to-do list. There's always going to be something added and I don't know if that is validating or freeing or frustrating.
Whatever you feel right now, that is a valid feeling. But I just want you to know, like, this is where we have to start. If you feel overwhelmed by your to do list, it's some of that permission giving. We're going to talk about self talk more before I, as I talk about some of these concrete strategies that you can actually use when you're looking at your to do list. And if you didn't listen to episode 40, that episode is all about
mindset shifts and self-talk related to overwhelm. And in that episode, I talk about... Excuse me.
Sarah Lovell (05:26.988)
And in episode 40, I talk about how like you, really can't system your way out of overwhelm that you really have to start with that mindset piece. and so if you're wanting more mindset stuff, definitely go check out episode 40. and today we're going to layer on to that mindset work with some of the systems because systems can be helpful for overwhelm, but they're not the magical only solution. have to be part of this formula.
which quick aside before I even jump into the strategies I'm going to share today. if you haven't already downloaded my free private podcast, the ADHD action plan, that is where I teach you this formula in five really short 10 minute episodes. it's the formula that I use in my life. It's the formula I help clients use to get unstuck. and sneak peek, the formula is self-talk.
Step one, systems, step two, support and accountability, step three. So the link, if you want to dive deeper into that, the link is in the show notes or you can go to executivefunctioningfirst.com slash private podcast. Okay, so now let's get back on track with what you came here for today, which is the systems and strategies and tools that you can add to your toolbox to help you take action on the thing that you're feeling overwhelmed by.
Sarah Lovell (07:03.704)
So first.
Sarah Lovell (07:09.518)
So the first thing that we're doing when you feel overwhelmed and you're like, Sarah, I have to do the things on my to-do list. Whether you want to and you're just having a difficult time getting going, or it's like a necessity, you're like, this is a deadline, this is required by life. Like whatever it is, you want to or you need to or a combination of both. The first thing that we need to do is notice and name the overwhelm. Name it to tame it.
When you tell your brain what it's experiencing, even just saying like, my gosh, I'm so overwhelmed right now, or naming it like there's so much on my to-do list, I don't know where to get started. It might sound counterintuitive, but when you tell your brain what's happening, your brain does a little sigh of relief. If you've listened to other podcast episodes, you've heard me talk about this. So that is really important because when you name things and you help your brain,
like give it a little bit of context. It makes it, it just like opens it up to being able to use the tools and strategies. So maybe it's that you're experiencing analysis paralysis. There's so much to do. You're not sure what to even start with. How do you decide? So you don't get started at all. Maybe you, like I said, you want to do the thing.
but they're so much overwhelmed, the idea of starting anything feels impossible. Maybe you don't want to do the thing and so it keeps getting pushed further and further out, which makes that specific task feel bigger, scarier, more annoying. And then the shame and guilt that you've waited so long to do it piles on. So you keep waiting because that feeling is the absolute worst. Maybe it's a combination of these things.
Right? You want to do the thing, you need to do the thing, but life never slows down. Your to-do list keeps growing. The overwhelm stirs up all of these uncomfortable feelings. And so your brain does everything in its power to avoid that discomfort, which ends up spiraling into even more discomfort. Trying to avoid discomfort leads to even greater discomfort. So I know that's a lot to process. I'm going to take a second.
Sarah Lovell (09:34.866)
So that is the first step is to just notice and name and recognize what is happening. Maybe take a little second to do a little bit of reflection. And then the second step is literally to do what I just said, which is to take a second to pause and regulate your nervous system. So that could be doing a single deep breath. That can be going into your toolbox of coping strategies that you have for
Nervous system regulation. If you do not have tools for nervous system regulation, your breath is always a tool. A simple breathing exercise, just stopping to breathe can truly make a difference.
Sarah Lovell (10:25.506)
And the reason it's so important to regulate your nervous system, even just doing a couple of deep breaths, is because it is really hard to do the tools. I'm gonna rephrase that.
Sarah Lovell (10:44.544)
It's really hard to use your executive functioning toolbox if you're coming from a place of overwhelm, panic, anxiety, hyper stress. Like I'm not saying that one breath is gonna solve it for sure, no, but it's going to create again, a little bit more space for you to be able to access the tools that we're gonna talk about. So most people benefit from some type of a brain dump.
when you're overwhelmed. And the goal here is just to get it out of your head. There is no right or wrong way to do this. You know yourself best. So maybe it's writing it down on paper, maybe it's putting it, typing it into your phone or laptop, maybe it's talking to chat GPT, getting it out of your head is really, really powerful. Even if you never look at it again. Sometimes clients will be like,
well, I never look at my to-do list or, you know, what's the point of doing it if I'm not, you know, continuing to use it. Again, you know you best, but there is something about getting it out of your head that just creates, again, space is kind of the theme of the episode so far. So if you're open to doing a brain dump, setting a timer can be really helpful, a visual timer.
or giving yourself a time limit. That way you're not feeling pressure to brain dump everything out. Even a few minutes can make a difference. And something I talk about with clients that might be new for you is using categories to brain dump. So this could be by project, by type of task, by energy, by location, by person, if it involves another person. And so...
Getting it out of your head is a really good starting point for when you're overwhelmed. And then you're going to remind yourself that you're not going to finish everything today, or even start it, or even touch it, or look at it. This is a brain dump. It is not a to-do list. You can think of this as a menu of options, right? And then the other important thing with when you're thinking about approaching a to-do list,
Sarah Lovell (13:08.086)
is that you want to make sure that you're focusing on action steps and not the entire project. So if you're...
So if your to-do list or if your brain is telling you you have to clean out your email inbox, that is too big. How can you make it more specific? So maybe it's respond to email X and Y and delete or move to folders unnecessary emails from the first page.
This is the, think a lot of people can get held up with if you are holding the finish line in mind, like I need to, uh, you know, if you're, if your brain is like clean the house, well, that's a huge project. That is lots of sub projects. But if you can narrow that down to, okay, I want to prioritize cleaning the kitchen because I spend the most time in there or I see that area the most.
And then you're like, okay, well, what in the kitchen would make the most impact for me? I just want to take things off the counters. I want the counters to be cleaner, clearer, right? So you're narrowing it down into smaller action steps because that makes it easier for your brain to see, that's my starting point. My starting point is removing all the papers on the counter versus clean the whole house.
The other thing here that is really important when you're feeling overwhelmed and when you look at your to do list or you think about everything that you have to do is prioritizing, which is a very complicated executive function skill. I spend a good chunk of the coaching that I do with clients helping them prioritize. And I have a non-traditional approach to prioritizing. You do not need to start
Sarah Lovell (15:10.922)
with the most important task. You do not need to start with the most time sensitive task. You do not need to stop with your number one priority. I know that's probably the definition of prioritizing, but it's literally impossible to prioritize if you don't start on something. And so you can start on whatever the thing is that's going to help you get started. And you know you best. So
that might be a something that you would never put on your to-do list. Like for me, taking the dogs out. Like if you're in a full paralysis, like if you're in a doom scroll, if you're like just feeling incapable of starting anything, whatever that looks like for you, it's about starting something that's going to break that, break that up. So for me, taking the dogs out is sometimes
what I get started with when I'm feeling totally paralyzed and overwhelmed, even if I don't need to go. It's good for all of us. Another thing that I do, which is not a fan favorite when I say this out loud, so you know you best. If this is not a fit for you, do not worry. I'm not, this is not homework. But for me, something like emptying the dishwasher is a quick
light, easy win. I know for many people the dishwasher is like the worst. There's no dopamine there for most people. It's repetitive and boring. Whatever. I totally get that. For me, I'm going to share why it works and then maybe you can think of something that would be similar. For me, emptying the dishwasher is a clear start and finish task. I'm not washing any dishes in the sink. All I'm doing is putting away the dishes that are
in the literal dishwasher. I know about how long that takes me. It's less than five minutes. Usually it's like two to three. And I can physically see a difference. Like I can see that I finished something. So for me, it's like a quick, light, easy task that I get the check mark of like, I did something. So.
Sarah Lovell (17:34.562)
When I have a super busy day or a super overwhelming day, like I did yesterday, instead of starting with my time sensitive task, which was outlining this podcast episode, which I was like looking forward to doing, but I was ironically feeling overwhelmed by the task of it. I emptied, I took my dogs out, I emptied the dishwasher, and then I did some other parallel.
process like parallel tasks on my laptop that kind of set me up to do the thing that I wanted and needed to do yesterday. So a question that you can ask yourself with prioritizing, like once you get yourself moving and doing something, anything, is what will make the most impact for me today? That's a question that you can ask yourself. And so it might be
looking at your giant brain dump or thinking about everything that's on your plate and saying, what is one thing that if I get started on it is going to make an impact or is going to help me feel a little bit better? It might not solve everything. That's okay. It doesn't need to solve everything.
But getting started on something that's going to boost your mood and make an impact in that way is going to, in a very positive way, do a little bit of a domino effect of like once you get started, it's going to be easier to keep going with those other tasks that are maybe heavier or more overwhelming or require more effort and energy from you.
This is also where it's okay and good to give yourself permission that you're not going to get to everything today. And this is where that prioritizing comes in. so maybe there is some tasks that are time sensitive and are important, but like just aren't a fit for you today because you're so overwhelmed. And instead of being hard on yourself or shoulding yourself,
Sarah Lovell (19:52.29)
or being mean to yourself, trying to bully yourself into doing that thing, it's okay to give yourself permission to wait on this. And obviously you can't do that forever because that's when something might move into urgency territory. If you keep pushing that thing down the line, obviously that we can't do that forever. But if you're in a true state of overwhelm,
a heavy state of overwhelm. It's not worth letting that thing take up more mental space right now. And so focusing on what's going to make the most impact for you today. And then that's going to help set you up to do those things that are heavier, that are more challenging.
Sarah Lovell (20:44.118)
Another important reminder as you're starting to approach getting started on tasks is to pace yourself and keep yourself on track. So when I, when I say pace yourself, it's again, the reminder that you're not going to do it all today, but maybe you're someone where if you have little, little periods of urgency,
Like if you give yourself like mini sprints, like if you set a visual timer or you give yourself, you know, in 20 minutes, I want to try to see how much of this I can do, or I'm only going to spend five minutes on this. But then once you get going, you go a little bit further, right? A visual timer can be really powerful and really helpful. I'm a huge fan of time timer. That's the one I use. It's like a literal physical clock that I use.
but,
Sarah Lovell (21:51.576)
So pacing yourself might be these little mini sprints, or it might be giving yourself permission that something is going to take a little bit longer and you're not rushing yourself or you're not forcing yourself to try to hurry. Again, you know you best. So it might be a combination. Usually it's a combination of those things.
Sarah Lovell (22:17.002)
Another important reminder here when you're overwhelmed and when you're trying to make progress on a to-do list or catch up on a to-do list is to take breaks before you need them. I think it can be, this is a challenge that pops up for a lot of my clients of like once you get going on something, you're like, I am full steam ahead. I am in go mode. And it's kind of like the each
being in paralysis and being in go mode each come with their challenges. And so being in go mode, obviously it feels good. You're like, I'm, I am starting to check things off my list. I am starting to make progress. But we don't want to work so hard, so fast, so intensely, or like pushing through to then burn out and get back into a cycle of overwhelm and paralysis. And so
You can look for opportunities to take small breaks, micro breaks, bigger breaks, before you hit that burnout mark. And then I think the most important thing is at the end of the day, give yourself credit for what you did. Give yourself credit for anything that you did because your brain is automatically
going to focus on everything that you did not get to. It's going to look at all of the things on your to-do list, all of the things on your mind that, I didn't call to schedule that appointment again today, or, another day went by and I didn't respond to that email, or this thing just keeps getting carried over on my to-do list. Your brain is automatically gonna have that thought for you. So.
And that's just how brains are wired. Brains are wired to focus on those things for us, unfortunately. And so it's really, really, really important to practice when your brain starts doing that. My brain did this the other day. Most days, lots of days, I always wish I could get more done. And so when this happens, it's a moment to pause and say, okay, what do I want to give myself credit for? What can I give myself credit for?
Sarah Lovell (24:42.942)
And your brain might pop back in and say, yeah, but you didn't finish that. Or yeah, but you could have gotten more done. And that's where it's, again, that self-talk piece is so important to be like, I am focusing on the things that I'm doing. I'm focusing on giving myself credit. I'm practicing this because it is a practice. And the more that you do it, the easier and more natural it'll be to give yourself credit.
Sarah Lovell (25:19.386)
I know I shared a lot in this episode. I cram a lot into into these into these episodes. If you want a written summary of what I talked about today, I put I my words today.
If you want a summary of what I talked about today on the podcast written out for you, it's on the blog, executivefunctioningfirst.com slash podcast. I will also put the link in the show notes. and like I said, if you're wanting to do more thinking on this type of work, this combination of what is myself talk, what is the tool or strategy and how am I going to take action on this?
The free private podcast that I created with the five mini episodes where I teach that formula is available to you. It's on my website, executivefunctioningfirst.com slash private podcast. So thank you so much for being here. Thank you for being part of my community. Give yourself credit for listening to this episode, for doing, this is the hard work. I tell my clients that all the time. This is, it's challenging.
to do this type of reflecting, to be thinking about making small, sustainable changes. It's hard, if they're small. And nothing I talked about today is small. A lot of this is some big shifts, mental shifts. So give yourself credit for listening, for learning, for doing all the things that you're doing and navigating everything that life is throwing at you. Thanks so much. I'm glad you're here.
