3 questions to help overachievers avoid burnout
3 questions to help overachievers avoid burnout
If you’re an overachiever with ADHD, you’ve probably heard two conflicting messages:
Do more, push harder, achieve bigger goals.
Slow down, set boundaries, rest more.
You’re constantly being told to “do more” and “do less” at the exact same time. No wonder you feel overwhelmed, guilty, and burnt out. Instead of swinging between “go faster, do more” and “slow down, do less,” I want to help you find a gentler middle ground where productivity and rest can actually coexist.
The Mixed Messages You Get about Productivity & Rest (and why they lead to burnout)
Everywhere you turn, you’re hit with two extremes:
On one end is Productivity
How to get more done
How to do it better and faster
Hacks to maximize your day
Once you’re doing more—how to do even more
Social media feeds full of “this is what your life should look like”
On the other end is Peace & Rest
How to live a simple life
How to prioritize self-care
How to do less and feel better about it
How to live aligned with your values
It feels like a Venn diagram where the overlap between “doing everything” and “living a peaceful life” is impossible. It leads to some misinformed beliefs like:
I need to either be productive OR resting.
I need to set big goals for both sides and go after them 100%.
The two can’t happen at the same time.
When those beliefs are popping around in your brain, it’s easy to feel like you’re failing on both sides. You feel like you’re not doing enough, but you’re also not resting “the right way.” This is the trap of all-or-nothing thinking - and what keeps you feeling burnt out.
The Problem With All-or-Nothing Thinking
If by the afternoon, no matter how much you’ve already done, you’re already being hard on yourself for not doing enough, you’re stuck in all-or-nothing thinking.
All-or-nothing thinking is the easiest way to head towards burnout.
Here’s what it sounds like:
“I didn’t check enough things off my to-do list.”
“I didn’t do the big thing I said I would.”
“I shouldn’t have rested—I had way too much to do.”
“I didn’t rest in a way that actually felt like rest.”
What you often forget:
You’re doing more than you realize.
Energy, mood, hormones, and life circumstances all impact what gets done.
Expectations (from yourself, others, or what you see on social media) add extra weight.
Executive functioning challenges make planning, organizing, and prioritizing harder.
Self-talk and endless “shoulds” make it feel even heavier.
Reflection Questions to Shift Your Perspective
I love using reflection questions with clients—and myself—to break out of this cycle and avoid burnout Here are three you can use:
1. What is going well?
Think of something you’ve done recently that brought you joy, boosted your confidence, or made you proud.
Example: I went out with friends for trivia night.
Effort: coordinated in a group chat, planned ahead.
Energy: left the house at 7:30 pm.
Prioritizing: adjusted my routine and fit in walking the dogs.
Benefit: connection and fun outweighed the effort.
What does this have to do with productivity? A lot. (Having fun is productive too!)
Doing things that support your mental health and boost your mood fills your cup. That gives you the capacity to handle the tasks that feel stressful (like sending that email you’ve been putting off).
Even small steps count. Thinking about a project that’s been on your radar? That’s the first step.
This exercise is about giving yourself credit and finding good dopamine. Once you put this into practice, you realize you accomplish way more than you think!
2. What isn’t serving you?
Think about something you’ve done recently that drained your energy or didn’t support your goals or values.
Example: I re-downloaded Instagram and doom scrolled when I was home alone, bored, and stressed.
Instead of labeling this as “bad,” I ask: How can I adjust?
Use my Brick to block Instagram again.
Allow IG time, but only for specific purposes (like looking up an event).
This isn’t about cutting things out completely or being strict with yourself—it’s about shifting the way you do them so they support you better. Give yourself grace to make small changes over time.
3. How can you balance “productivity” with rest?
It’s not true balance. It’s not 50/50. Some days it might look like 80/20, then 60/40, then back again. Sometimes resting is the most productive thing you can do.
Go Moments and Slow Moments
I like to think of this balance as “go moments” and “slow moments.” Some days, you’ll have the energy, structure, and motivation to check things off your list. Other days, you’ll need to slow down, move gently, and give yourself permission to rest.
“Go” moments: productive, focused, getting things done, catching up, or getting ahead.
“Slow” moments: moving at a gentler pace, giving yourself full permission to rest.
It’s not about choosing one or the other. It’s about adjusting your plan as you go and allowing both to exist in your life
And remember—it doesn’t have to be an entire day of one or the other. You can have both go and slow moments on the same day. The key is checking in with yourself and adjusting as much as possible.
Building a Healthier Balance
Avoiding burnout doesn’t mean giving up your goals. It means approaching them in a way that feels sustainable:
Allow space for both productivity and rest.
Shift from “all-or-nothing” to “something is better than nothing.”
Remember that self-care is not a reward you earn—it’s fuel that makes everything else possible.
Looking for support building systems that support this balance?
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Sarah Lovell (00:01.612)
This episode is for my overachievers.
And if you hear that and think, oh, I'm not doing enough to be considered an overachiever, then please know that you are still in the right place because it is exactly that type of thinking that can keep you stuck and burn you out. And that is what we are talking about today. Together, we're going to explore how to let go of the pressure to do everything 100 % or to do more, do better, do faster.
or to catch up and how to create space for both go moments and slow moments. You'll learn how to balance what society considers as productive with rest, shift yourself talk and notice and give yourself credit for the things that you're already doing well. I'm so glad you're here.
Sarah Lovell (01:03.351)
music intro.
Sarah Lovell (01:08.184)
Ahem.
Sarah Lovell (01:11.822)
So this is a conversation I have with clients a lot. Whether or not they identify as an overachiever, a perfectionist, a people pleaser, there is a lot of pressure from society, from external forces, from internal forces to do more and do less at the exact same time. And what I mean by that, the do more,
is what, when I hear the word productive, that's what I think of. think of checking things off your do list, off your to-do list, getting things done, keeping up. And I think about all the messaging we get in social media, just in life, of how to get more done, how to do it better, hacks to be more productive. And then once you're doing more, how to do even more.
And like this is, know, Instagram, Pinterest, TikTok, like this is what your life should look like. And here's how to get it to look like that if it doesn't currently already. And then if you're neurodivergent, there's even more messaging around the hacks to get yourself to manage your time better, prioritize, plan, organize, and be quote unquote more productive.
And as an executive function in ADHD coach, I have a hard time with that messaging of like, you need a hack or you like, this is the number one thing or you should be doing this. That just feels so toxic to be like, here's how to do more, do better, do faster. As an executive function in ADHD coach, there's value in learning about your brain and recognizing, you know, I don't have a system.
for keeping track of things, or I constantly feel behind because I struggle with time management. That is very different. Learning about yourself and creating systems that support you is not a hack. And so I just, that's my little soapbox for a second there. But basically we get all this messaging of be more productive, do more stuff, get it done better and faster. And then at the same time,
Sarah Lovell (03:37.698)
There's been this uptick in messaging about how to live a peaceful, slow, self-care lifestyle, which there is value in that messaging. But I think the way that we get it, or the way at least I've seen it done in our main messaging platforms of social media is...
You need to live a simple life. You need to prioritize self-care in this way. You should do less. Here's how to do less and feel better about it. And some of those messages I do connect with, I do believe we should be able to live a life that has self-care and has rest and has aligns with your values.
there is definitely goodness in there. But I think the messaging that I talk about a lot with clients is like, this is how you should do it, or this is what your life should look like. And so this messaging of, it's kind of like a juxtaposition of these two things. here, you need to do everything and also do less and have a peaceful life at the same time. And...
I think that's, I don't know, like I wanna say impossible to do it the way that it's being shouted at us. And so I like to think of this as a Venn diagram rather than two separate circles of like, do more, be more productive and do less, take care of yourself.
Like those are I think the way that a lot of us get this messaging is that they're two separate circles And I'm very visual and so I like to think of it as okay. How can we? Bring those two circles together create an overlap and find I think the word that most of us would think of is balance But like it's not true balance and we're gonna talk about that today of like yeah I need to get things done off my to-do list. I need to do you know things related to work
Sarah Lovell (05:56.386)
things related to keeping my house somewhat organized and keeping up with laundry. I need to grocery shop. I need to do all these things. And at the same time, I need to take care of myself. I need to let myself slow down. I need to let myself take space from constantly setting goals or chasing that next thing. And so I wish I had led this earlier of like this, basically, maybe you heard it.
This messaging is all or nothing thinking that you either need to be one or the other. You either need to be doing it all or fully resting and prioritizing a peaceful life and self care like that they can't exist. They can't coexist. And all or nothing thinking is the easiest way to punish yourself because it's this idea of like no matter how much you get done in a day,
you're gonna be hard on yourself for not getting enough done. Or you're gonna be hard on yourself for not doing that other side of the Venn diagram of rest and self-care and hobbies and social connection, right? So I think there can be this all or nothing thinking, this pressure of, I didn't get enough done. I...
should be able to work faster, I should be able to check more off of my list. And so when you don't check everything off of your to-do list, you didn't do the big thing that you said you would do, you didn't rest in a way that felt like rest, or you shouldn't have rested, I have way too much to do, that's all or nothing thinking. And that keeps you stuck and that leads to burnout. And it's so unfair. But it's not your fault.
that your brain is wired to think in that way, if you think in that way. Not everybody does, but a lot of people do. And so I just wanna point out right now that you're doing more than you realize and that you give yourself credit for. So that's exactly what I'm gonna talk about today is some questions to help you notice that.
Sarah Lovell (08:16.218)
and help you create, again, that idea of what many of us consider to be balance. And so first, I just want to say there are so many things that impact you that maybe you aren't taking into consideration. Maybe you're not noticing your energy, your mood, hormones, expectations from other people, expectations you're putting on yourself, expectations on what you see on social media or comparing yourself to others. The weight of executive functioning
and not having the right tools to help you plan, organize, prioritize, and take action on the things that you wanna do. And then the heavy, heavy, heavy weight of the shoulds and the self-talk that kicks in. So I'm going to share, I'm a huge fan of reflection questions. That's how I coach is I ask a lot of questions. And so on the podcast, I share.
some of these questions in different formats, obviously, because I'm talking just as a one-sided conversation to you, my lovely listener. And so whenever I share a tool or resource or strategy on this podcast, I want to remind you that there is no magic wand perfect solution. Take what's helpful, adjust it to fit for you. And if it isn't, you hear this and you're like, no, that one's not for me. It's OK, leave it. So these are just suggestions.
So one of the questions that I really like as a check-in, a reflection, a touch point is what is something you've done recently that has brought you joy, made you feel good, boosted your confidence, or made you proud of yourself? And those are some big questions in there, and some of those might be harder to answer than others, but I wanted to give a bunch of different
different phrasing of this. But basically the question here is what is going well that you can point out for yourself? And if this is something that you don't already practice, this can be really hard. It can be hard to look for those things, especially when your brain is going to autopilot to all the things that are maybe not going as well or the things that you would like to be going better. So
Sarah Lovell (10:39.572)
notice if it feels hard and I'm going to challenge you to not step away from that hardness or discomfort of this type of reflection. The more you practice this, the easier it becomes. And if you're like, Sarah, I can literally not think of anything, then I'll frame it for you as what would a friend, a loved one, somebody in your life say?
because you are doing things that are going well, even if other things are really heavy and hard. So this could be related to work, school, self-care, hobbies, goals. It could be something very, very, very small. So don't overthink it. Give yourself credit for something. And I'll give an example from my own life. But before I do, I forgot to mention.
If you've heard the podcast before, you know I write a blog post for each solo episode where all of this is kind of skimmable if you want to revisit anything, like if you want to see the questions written out. So just a friendly reminder that you can read a summary of this episode by going to executivefunctioningfirst.com slash podcast, or you can click the link in the show notes. Because I'm a huge fan of getting information in different ways. And I know I just...
throw a lot into these 20 minute episodes. friendly reminder that you can read a summary of what I talk about on the blog. So, okay, back to what I was talking about. So this is something, these questions are something that I practice. Well, monthly I do a journal. I have like a journal prompt that I've created for myself and once a month I do this type of reflection. But I'm also trying to practice this.
more on like a daily or weekly thing. I don't journal it daily or weekly, but I just kind of like take a second to pause, especially when my brain starts going to all the things I didn't do, or all the things I should do or could do. I like look at that as like little pink flag, not quite a red flag, maybe it depends on how loud my shoulds are.
Sarah Lovell (12:56.396)
But I noticed that thinking and I pause and I say, okay, what is something that I can give myself credit for? What is something that I've done that has brought me joy, made me feel good, boosted my confidence, made me proud? It does not necessarily need to be a quote unquote productive thing, a thing on a to-do list, right? Because almost everything we're doing is productive with the caveat of, you I'll talk about social media and doom scrolling and all that in a second.
So for me, I did this practice this week. I caught myself in a should of like, I should be getting more done or I didn't today was not today didn't feel the way I wanted it to feel. And so I reflected back on that I got together with friends to play trivia. And this you might be like, how does that even relate? Well, it was something that really boosted my mood.
I felt really good reconnecting with friends that I hadn't seen in a while. And it was a ton of effort to actually make it happen. I'm in my 30s, my friends are in my 30s, everybody in their 30s, everybody has a busy life. And so it was effort to get the group chat going, to find a day and a time. It was energy and effort to leave my house at 730 at night. I don't know how I used to...
the nightlife thing. And then it was also shifting my priorities for that day a little bit. So I had to adjust my evening routine. I had to Tetris when I was gonna walk the dogs. And so for me, it was like giving myself credit of like, look at all this effort I put in to do something that made me feel connected with friends, boosted my mood, and then also has a positive ripple effect.
where because I was feeling good, I had some dopamine, then it's like, it fills my cup, it bolsters my capacity for doing more later, right? Like it's a self-care thing. Not that that's the reason to do this, but it is true. When you boost your mood, when you do self-care things, when you do things just because you want to, it creates more space.
Sarah Lovell (15:25.314)
to do the things that you need to do. And so if this concept feels totally out there for you, in terms of reflecting on something that brings you joy or boosts your mood, reflect on something that relates more closely to the goals you have or the tasks that you need to get done. That's okay too. Giving yourself credit for literally anything is going to help rewire your brain to give yourself more credit more often.
So for example, what's a small step you've taken toward a project, task or goal that's been on your radar for a while? Even thinking about it counts. That is literally a first step to taking action is doing some thinking even if you didn't take what you would consider to be a tangible first step. Give yourself credit. The whole point of this first question, this exercise is to give yourself credit and look for good
dopamine. So basically what's going well. That's the theme of that first question. The second question is what is something you've done recently that isn't serving you or supporting you? Maybe it's draining your energy or doesn't feel like a quote unquote good use of time. Maybe it doesn't align with the values or intentions that you're setting for yourself. So this is probably something that your brain can pinpoint
more easily. Usually we're very aware of the things that bring us discomfort or like false comfort. So for me, my example here is, you've heard me talk about my phone a lot recently. It's my phone. I noticed that I picked up my phone and redownloaded Instagram. I delete Instagram from my phone.
to doom scroll when I was home alone one evening, bored and a little bit stressed. I, you know, thinking about all the things the mind was going and I autopiloted to Instagram as a way to kind of like get quick dopamine, which is not real dopamine and kind of have a distraction. Like I knew exactly what I was gonna get when I got on Instagram. My algorithm is dogs and travel and things that, you know, usually.
Sarah Lovell (17:51.246)
feel good to see, although never feel good after. They feel good in the moment for like, you know, however long I'm on, too long. But then that feeling of like, how can I pull myself away from this and not feeling good afterwards? So I think it's important to recognize that oftentimes these things that we autopilot to, the things that maybe don't serve you or support you,
Drain your energy or don't feel like a good use of time It's an autopilot and so be kind to yourself when you check in about this because this is where it can be Easy to bully yourself. you should get off Instagram Why would you download it again? Right? Like my brain goes to like you did this I like you shouldn't like, you know kind of like bullying and bullying yourself Usually doesn't work and so
Question here, once you've like picked something, you're like, this isn't serving me. Maybe it's snoozing your alarm in the morning. Maybe it's how you're spending your time before work or after work. Maybe it's, I don't know, whatever that might be for you. A question for yourself here could be, how can you adjust how you're doing this? When I initially wrote the question,
I said, how can you do less of this? And I was like, whoa, that feels a little bit too strong for me. That feels like a little bit of all or nothing thinking of like less, guess, isn't totally all or nothing. But like, you know, if you're like, how can I stop this totally? Or how can I cut this out of my life? That's all or nothing thinking. And I'm not saying that you, that can't be a goal. Maybe that is a goal that you have, but.
softening the question can sometimes help with that. So how can you adjust what this looks like in your life? So for me, I try really hard to use apps that I find supportive around blocking my phone because it's a willpower thing. And so I use brick. It's like a literal, it's a literal brick. It's a little square, physical square that you can hold in your hand. It's magnetic.
Sarah Lovell (20:14.534)
and you tap your phone to it and it blocks your phone from any apps that you say you don't want to use when your phone is quote unquote a brick. And so that to me is really helpful because it gives that extra awareness when I'm on an autopilot. And then I also still allow myself to use Instagram under different circumstances.
I try really hard not to use Instagram when I'm stressed or bored. I try to have it be a specific purpose. Like, oh, I want to go look up an event that I know is happening this weekend. Or I know my friend just came back from a trip and she's gonna be posting some pictures. I wanna see her pictures. Also, I could just text her, right? That's a good little pivot there. But, right, so adjusting.
adjusting how you approach something. So it does not have to be all or nothing. I think that's like a really important theme of today's episode. So by adjusting something, you're creating more space for yourself. And so this could be adjusting in both directions, right? Like it could be more self care and rest. It could be more
um checking things off your to-do list right like it's this Venn diagram so it's thinking about what am I adding what am I subtracting and if something is going up if you need to or want to spend more time on something then something else kind of has to go down we only have so much time energy capacity mental resources and so the third question here is how can you create
sense of balance between productivity and rest. And I already have issues with how I've worded this question. And so I'm going to point them out. But I'm, I'm keeping it this way, because I think this is how our brains automatically think about this. And so first, I just want to acknowledge that I hope this is obvious, but rest is always productive. But our brain, if your brain thinks in black and white,
Sarah Lovell (22:38.318)
It might think of to-do list, productive, self-care, rest, right? And that's not the point I'm making here, but... So it's not a true balance, right? Like we're not gonna be 50-50 on getting things done off of our to-do list and rest and space, right? So, and it's not one or the other, it's a Venn diagram. So it's not 50-50 and it's not 100-0.
So it might be 80-20, then it might be 60-40, and then it might be 80-20 the other way. It is constantly gonna change. The balance between doing more, doing less, doing your to-do list, doing things that bring you joy is constantly going to change. So I like to call this like go moments and slow moments. Again, it's a little bit black and white, but.
but kind of take this flex, like a little bit of flexibility. So, you know, the go, go, go, the go moments are being productive, checking things off your list, feeling like you have to catch up, get ahead, do more, go faster, do better. And so it's reframing that, right? Like we don't want to feel like that go, go, go, but we do need to have go moments. And some days might be a get up and go day. You might have
more energy, your schedule might be that like Goldilocks perfect, ooh, I used the word perfect, caught myself. Good balance of structure and flexibility. Your mood might be elevated, hormones, you might have some deadlines, what life is looking like, right? Like there might be this like formula of things that come together and you're like, yeah, I am in a space where I can get up and go and.
check some things off my list and feel really good and give yourself credit for those things. And then there might be some days where it's slower. And so giving yourself permission to move at a slower pace. So you might wake up and there might be brain fog. Maybe you didn't sleep that well. Maybe you are just desiring a slow day. Again, energy, schedule, mood, hormones, deadlines, what life is looking like can impact that.
Sarah Lovell (25:05.462)
And so this is less about planning these days. Sometimes we can plan them, but oftentimes we can't. Sometimes we just, the day is the day, right? And so adjusting your expectations of what gets done, how you do it, and how it's gonna feel based on the circumstances of the day, the things that we can't necessarily control. And I wanna just point out that it's not all or nothing here.
So like I'm naming it as like a go day or a slow day. That is all or nothing thinking I just want to point that out And so let me Reframe it for me and for you That it doesn't have to be a full day. There might be go moments or slow moments So I'm glad I caught myself there And I'm leaving this in the episode because I want to point out how sneaky
all or nothing thinking can be. And I'm somebody who does get my brain autopilots into all or nothing. And so I'm constantly catching myself reframing and pointing it out to myself and to my clients, even when, you know, we're working through something and I'm like, Ooh, I just caught myself thinking about this in a certain way, right? Like it's a constant practice. So you can't always know.
what type of day or moment you're gonna have. And so this is important to practice checking in with yourself, asking yourself some reflection questions, maybe some of the ones that I mentioned in today's episode, maybe you have some different questions that'll help you notice these things for yourself, and then give yourself permission to adjust the plan. Adjusting the plan is good. It can be hard, it might feel uncomfortable.
but that helps you keep things sustainable. Adjusting the plan is really important. So I, as always, I cram a lot into these episodes. Lots of thoughts here, lots of maybe some big new ways of thinking. So if you want a summary or a written version of this to reference in the future,
Sarah Lovell (27:22.894)
click the show notes to read the blog version of this. If you have a friend, a loved one in your life who you think would connect with the content in the podcast, please consider sharing it with them. My goal is to share this far and wide. I truly believe in sharing free resources. And so please continue to share this episode and the show.
in general with anybody who you think would enjoy it. And then I made myself a special note down the bottom here to remind you, if you haven't listened to episode 43, if listening to today's episode is like clicking with you, episode 43, the one before this, is my number one strategy to navigate overwhelm. And spoiler alert, the episode is about how to talk.
with other people about your overwhelm, how to ask for help and support. And I think that is super valuable. It's an extremely hard thing to do. And so even just thinking about that and thinking about how to talk with people, thinking about if asking for help and support would be helpful for you, I think that's a great first step with anything. So.
Thank you so much for being here today. I really appreciate you and I will talk with you again soon.
