How to Stop Feeling Defeated by Your To-Do List
Have you ever stared at your to-do list, wondering how on earth you're going to get everything done? You might be experiencing time blindness.
If you’re living with ADHD or struggle with executive functioning, that feeling can be even more intense. The pressure to do it all perfectly and right now can leave you feeling stuck. And when things don’t go as planned, it can lead to frustration and burnout.
The Trap of Over-Planning and Time-Blindness
The other day, during a coworking session in my ADHD coaching membership, Stuck to Started, I set overly ambitious goals for myself. In a two-hour block, I planned to update a workshop, repurpose content, and catch up on emails. It sounded doable, but as soon as I started, I realized the workshop alone would take the entire two hours.
If you struggle with time management, have ADHD, or put a lot of pressure on yourself to get things done, this might sound familiar—underestimating the time and energy tasks require is common.
This leads to disappointment when you can’t finish everything on your to-do list. In that moment, I had to adjust my expectations and focus solely on completing the workshop.
You Can’t Create More Time: Understand ADHD and Time Blindness
A client of mine once said something that stuck with me: “I can’t make time that doesn’t exist.”
This perfectly sums up how ADHD time blindness can make managing time feel impossible. ADHD brains often struggle with accurately predicting how long tasks will take. When you over-plan, you’re trying to fit too much into too little time.
Instead of pushing yourself to achieve unrealistic goals, it’s important to adjust your expectations. Realistic planning isn’t about lowering your standards; it’s about working within the constraints of time and energy.
ADHD-Friendly Strategies for Realistic Planning & Managing Time Blindness
To help manage your time and tasks more effectively, especially with ADHD or executive functioning challenges, try these strategies:
1. Get Tasks Out of Your Head
People with ADHD often keep track of a million things mentally, which can lead to overwhelm. One of the most effective ways to lighten the mental load is to externalize your tasks. Use tools like to-do lists, voice memos, or reminders. Find what works best for your ADHD brain—whether that’s a bullet journal, digital planner, or a simple sticky note system. Friendly reminder, it’s okay (and good!) to use multiple systems - especially if you are getting bored of one, you can switch to another!
2. Tackle Time Blindness by using strategies that help you feel time
ADHD can distort your perception of time, making it harder to stay on track. Use time-tracking tools to see how long tasks actually take. Set a timer or use a visual countdown to help with time management. I love “Time Timer” and “Llama Life.”
3. Prioritize with your energy, mood, and deadlines in mind
Prioritization can feel impossible when you’re dealing with ADHD paralysis. To get started, ask yourself, “What will make the most impact for me right now?” You don’t always need to start with the most urgent task. Sometimes getting started on something that will boost your mood or get you physically moving is going to be the most impactful because it gets you unstuck and taking action.
4. Reframe All-or-Nothing Thinking
ADHD often fuels all-or-nothing thinking. If you don’t finish everything, it feels like you’ve failed. But small progress is still progress! Break down large tasks into smaller steps and celebrate each win. Remember, you don’t have to do it all at once.
Adjust Your Expectations
When it comes to managing your to-do list, it’s important to recognize that not everything will get done every day—and that’s okay. Adjusting your expectations to fit reality isn’t about lowering the bar, but about setting yourself up for success.
Whether it’s using time more wisely or letting go of the pressure to do it all perfectly, these strategies can help shift your mindset and create more manageable plans for your busy life.
Final Thoughts on ADHD and Executive Functioning
If your days often feel overwhelming due to ADHD or executive functioning challenges, know that you’re not alone. By implementing ADHD-friendly planning strategies, you can feel more in control and less stressed about getting things done.
If this post resonated with you, please share it with a friend or loved one who could use a little encouragement.
How do you get unstuck & take action? Create your own individualized toolbox!
Sign up for the free on-demand training and discover:
My proven 3 part formula to help you get “unstuck” and take action
How to build a toolbox so you can finally finish the tasks that have been on your to-do list forever
Simple self-talk techniques to shift your mindset, reduce stress, and manage your chronic overwhelm
-
Sarah Lovell (00:00)
How often do you find yourself staring at your mile long to -do list, wondering how on earth you're going to keep on top of everything? It's an overwhelming feeling and it feels impossible, but you keep telling yourself that it all has to get done and it all has to get done right now and perfectly. And at the end of the day, it feels like crap when your day didn't go to plan or you didn't check as many boxes as you told yourself you should.
In today's episode, we're diving into the wild world of managing it all when life is busy and
overwhelming.
So the other day in my coworking session in my coaching membership Stuck to Started, I made myself a action list of projects that I wanted to work on. And basically, coworking is something that I offer every week in my membership. It's a space where people can come, have some accountability and support, and basically do the things that they're feeling stuck on, overwhelmed by, or just like...
need a little bit extra accountability, like knowing that other people are working alongside them. So I use this time for exactly that, for projects that I'm like, someday, sometime, I will work on this thing, right? Like it's something that I want to do, I need to do, but I just haven't found the time for. So I use co -working in that way for myself. Like it's a designated time, two hours a week that I can make a dent in some of my projects.
And so at the beginning of the session, I encourage everybody to make a list of their action steps and to share them in the chat so that we all know what everybody's working on and we can check back on at the end. And I always encourage people to check in on their energy, where they're at mentally, what's going to align with them, what's going to make the most impact for them so that they can go into the working session and like...make some progress on projects that fit for them that day. And I went in to that coworking session with an overly ambitious goal. I had shared that I wanted to update a workshop that I was going to be leading. I wanted to repurpose some content and I wanted to catch up on emails in a two hour window. And when I wrote that out, I truly thought that that would fit.
the two hour time block. And as soon as I got started on updating my workshop content, I realized, this is way more work than I thought, which happens to us, right? Like we go in with expectations of something being easier, a lighter lift. We think it'll take less time or energy than it does. And so immediately I realized I need to reevaluate my plan.
because there's no way that I will get everything done in this two hour window. So initially, I was feeling a little bummed and defeated, because in my head, I felt like I should be able to get this stuff done. I needed to get this stuff done, right? So there's some of that pressure of all of this needs to get done. And so in my head, it would be really nice if I could do it in this two hour block and be done with it.
So definitely like checking in with myself in that moment of there's no way I'm going to get all three of these things done in this window. And so I need to reevaluate my plan. I need to notice myself talk because there was definitely like some defeating self talk of like, I should be able to just work faster. I should be able to, this should be easier or I should have started this earlier that way I could have gotten this done in this block.
right, like that I had set myself up for it. And so when we get stuck in that feeling of like, should be able to get everything done, then it makes what you actually accomplish not feel like an accomplishment. Like I really realized in that moment, like I'm not going to be able to catch up on emails. I'm not going be able to repurpose content. It's going to take me the whole two hours to work on this workshop. Now that I've realized how much is actually involved.
And so it was a tough pill to swallow, as they say, because I had put this expectation on myself. But when I take a step back, and this is something that I do with clients all the time, to kind of reevaluate and check in with myself, I was able to take a little bit of that pressure off because the plan that I was setting just wasn't realistic.
So I had a client in a session the other day say something that was so profound, I wrote it down as a reminder for herself, but also as a reminder for me to use and to share with other people. She said, I can't make things that don't exist, exist. Let me repeat that. I can't make things that don't exist, exist. And she was talking about time.
And so this perfectly translates to my experience of I was trying to make something take less time. I was trying to make something go quicker or more smoothly. And yeah, sometimes we have a little bit of control on those things, but in this situation I did not. I could not make something that doesn't exist, exist. And so this is something that I am constantly talking about with clients.
of how to check in with our expectations and create realistic plans. And that is constantly changing because our reality is constantly changing. Your energy is changing, the circumstances of your day are changing, resources, other things being added to your plate. And so that's exactly what we're gonna talk about today. We're gonna talk about how to create realistic plans.
recognizing that I know you have a lot to do and there's a lot on your plate and things that you want to do. So we're gonna talk about how to keep track and keep things moving across the board, but in a realistic way. We're gonna talk about strategies to help you feel more on top of things, even when you aren't getting everything done, because most of us are not getting everything done every single day. There tends to be some carryover.
of I didn't get this done today, this is a tomorrow thing, or I didn't get this done this week, this is a next week thing. And as always, we're going to talk about the self -talk that goes along with all of this. So I almost always talk about perfectionism, shoulds, all or nothing thinking, because it's something that pops up for so many of us. And it really impacts our executive functioning. And then obviously, we're going to talk about all the executive functioning pieces too. But basically, like,
The experience that I had last week in my coworking session is something that just comes up a lot for all of us. The most common questions that people ask when they start working with me or they join my coaching membership is, how do I do everything? How do I do it all to a level that I feel good about or I'm proud of? Or how do I do it perfectly if they're a perfectionist? And we work on that, the perfectionism piece.
And how do I do it all without burning out? Or how do I do it all when I'm feeling overwhelmed? So I always joke that I have some bad news that I can't help you do everything all the time perfectly without burning out. If somebody had figured out how to do that, we would all be doing the exact same thing. We'd all be managing our lives. No one would be overwhelmed or stressed.
Our to -do lists would be checked off at the end of the day, right? Like there is no magic solution to those questions of how to do everything all the time perfectly without burning out or while feeling overwhelmed. But, or and, we can look at it differently. We can think about it differently and we can use different tools to manage that. Because I know for most of us, it's an everyday thing.
We have lots of demands on us. We have, right, like all of our personal goals, like chores, errands, things that we need to do for ourselves. We have things that we're doing for loved ones, for family, for friends, with family, like with and for. If you're working and have a job, the demands that your work puts on you, and then wanting to also have, and deserving to have, time for rest, fun.
like your personal goals, growth goals, all of those things. Most of the people I'm working with and talking to have lots of things that they want and need to do. And it's a good problem to have a lot of the time that you want to be doing more. And we need to talk about a different way to think about it all.
Or on flip of that, if you're like, have so much that is on my plate that I'm beyond overwhelmed and I'm feeling paralyzed by it all where I'm not taking action and it just keeps piling on this relates to that situation too. so let's, let's dive into to first the executive function piece and then we'll, I'll connect it to the self -talk piece.
So from an executive functioning standpoint, keeping track of everything on your to -do list, on your plate requires every executive function skill. But I'm gonna talk about a couple of the main ones that I help clients navigate. So first, it's organizing and planning, right? You have to know what's on your plate, what's on your to -do list.
so even just being able to mentally organize and keep track of all of the things is huge. And again, we're talking about, you know, the things that you want to do and the things that you need to do. And so I always tell all of my clients, you deserve to get things out of your head. And what I mean by that is you're keeping track of so many things. You're asking your brain.
to remember more than it can. And there is no shame in using an external system to remember things. I've had clients tell me, I should remember to pack my child's lunch, or I should remember to bring my laptop with me when I leave the house. And if those are things that you're doing on autopilot,
and like that are definitely like always part of your routine, then okay, I can understand why it feels like I should, but you have so many things that you're keeping track of, like to let something be outside of your brain to externalize it, whether it's writing it down, doing a voice memo, creating a visual reminder for yourself, right? Like leaving the lunchbox on the counter next to the car keys is a way to like
lighten the mental load. And so you deserve a system that gets everything that you're trying to remember out of your head and into a system that you can trust. So that is something that I talk about with clients all the time. It does not need to be a written to -do list. Some people find that really overwhelming. It's about finding what works for you and your brain, but finding an
external system to get it out of your head so that you can remember it, but also then organize it and make a plan for it. Because the kind of like the first step to starting something is that we have to be aware of it and that it's something that we want or need to do, right? So being able to remember it is a huge piece of keeping track of everything that's on our plate and taking action of everything that's on our plate. So then another
piece of this executive functioning puzzle is time management. time management will be a whole nother podcast episode in the future, but I'll give a kind of like spiel on time management that I talk about with clients.
your experience of time might be different than other people's. So if you have difficulty estimating how long things take, where you're overestimating or significantly underestimating, or like the way that time feels for you, where it's hard to guess how much time has passed. Like you're focused on something and you think, I've only been doing this for five or 10 minutes, but in reality it's been,
20, 30, 40, or the opposite of that. Like, it feels like I've been doing this forever, but it's only been a few minutes. Those are different versions of time blindness. And you do not need to have time blindness to experience challenges with executive functioning and time management. But time blindness makes time management significantly harder. Because not only do you have the challenge of
time management at baseline, you have this added challenge of your perception of time is different. And so you need and deserve a tool that helps you feel time, keep track of time and estimate time. And most of us, even people who do not have executive functioning challenges, time management challenges, ADHD, other diagnosis,Most people struggle with time management. Most of us on our spectrum, obviously, like some people are experiencing it where it's extremely more impactful and more chronic. And some people it's not as much so, but I want to validate the experience that this is something many of us struggle with. So I'll go back to my example of I had a two hour window block.
and I thought I was going to do three pretty big projects because of past information I had about these projects, my energy level. But as soon as I got in, I realized, ooh, this is gonna take way longer and I need to make an adjustment. And I'm somebody, as I've talked about in past episodes, I do not have ADHD, I have pretty strong executive functioning skills. And this even pops up.
for me as a challenge, right? And again, it's a spectrum. I understand my challenges with time management are extremely different than the clients that I'm working with, but I wanna just validate that time management is extremely difficult. And if you're somebody who you feel like you're chronically crunched for time, overestimating, underestimating, overscheduling yourself, missing appointments, like you deserve...some strategies that will help with that and reframing when those challenges pop up for you. Because it takes time to figure out what's going to help you manage time and what's going to help you guess time or feel time, right? And there's lots of different ways that I talk about that with clients and it's so individualized, right? It takes time and patience and trying out different things. But...
The time management piece is huge for us on this idea of I should be able to get everything done because we underestimate how long things take. So when we write out our to -do lists, we write out two to three days worth of stuff and then tell ourselves you should be able to get this done today. And then that's when it feels awful when you don't get it done. And again, going back to my client's
comment of, can't make something exist that doesn't exist. You can't make there be more time in a day. And so this is where that self talk piece is huge. Because if you're saying to yourself, I didn't get as much done today as I should have, or I should have gotten more done, I wasn't as productive as I wanted to be. That ties into re evaluating.
the expectations and re -looking at the time piece. Because most of the time when I'm looking at a client's plan for the day and I start asking them questions of, what are the steps involved in this? Or do you have to wait to hear back from somebody? Or how long do you think this will take? Let's open it up and look at it together. Ooh, actually it's going to take much longer. Once you start doing that evaluation,
Then you're readjusting your plan to be more realistic for how much time you actually have. And it takes that pressure off of, should be able to get a 10 hour project done in two hours. Like that's just not going to happen for most of us. And so being able to make that adjustment is huge. It's the executive functioning piece of what is realistic, what tools can I use? How can I check in with myself on this? And
the self -talk of.
just being kinder and more patient with yourself around all of that. So we will do more podcast episodes on time management because it is such a huge one, but that often is such a, it's a big piece in when we think we can get everything done because our estimation of time just isn't in alignment with reality.
The other executive function skill that I want to talk about when we're trying to do everything and keep track of everything is prioritizing. And again, this ties right back in with the time management piece of if I can't do everything, how do I decide what the priority is? And again, this will be its own episode in the future, but having a couple of questions to ask yourself can be really helpful to help you prioritize. Prioritizing I think is again, one of the most
complicated executive function skills because it pulls in all of these other ones. But my favorite prioritizing question, one of them, is what will make the most impact for me right now? Because sometimes what will make the most impact isn't necessarily the most time sensitive thing or the highest priority, but it's sometimes the thing that helps us get unstuck and take action, especially if you're feeling overwhelmed and paralyzed by
a 10 mile long to do list. What's going to make the most impact? The thing that gets you started. Another question I really like for prioritizing is what would happen if I didn't do this right now or today or this week? What if I didn't start this? What if I didn't finish this? And sometimes that makes it really clear of, yeah, I have to get this started today because it's time sensitive or so important or somebody else is waiting on this.
Other times when we ask ourselves, would happen if I didn't get this done right now? You're like, nothing. Like it can wait. Sometimes the dishes in the sink need to wait and that's okay. Sometimes the dishes in the sink can't wait because if the dishes in the sink don't get done, then that means you can't get into the kitchen to cook if that's like blocking you from getting in and doing other things, right? So checking in and prioritizing.
is so important when you have a million things on your to -do list and you're trying to figure out how to do it all.
So the self -talk piece of this that I want to challenge you on, obviously we've been talking about like adjusting expectations based on time management. So adjusting expectations is a self -talk thing. One of my clients said, you know, it feels really awful to lower my expectations. And this is where I think words really matter. Yes, in theory, by definition, by saying I'm not going to be able to get everything done on my to -do list today.
you're technically lowering your expectation. But I want to offer a reframe of that, that you're adjusting your expectation to fit reality. Because reality is there's only so many hours in a day. There's only so much energy for you to do things. You have to prioritize. And inevitably, life is going to throw you
wrenches and changes and bumps in the road. And you're going to have to adjust your plan in real time, right? Like things are always going to change. There's never a normal week. So reframing how you talk to yourself makes a huge difference. And if you're like Sarah,
saying lowering your, lowering my expectations like doesn't matter, then that's fine. Use whatever words feel good for you. But if you're somebody that, that feels truly uncomfortable, reframe it as I'm adjusting my expectations or find another way to reframe it for yourself that fits for you and language that fits for you.
Another self -talk thing that pops up here is that all or nothing thinking, right? This is where like perfectionism can come up. I had a client say when we were trying to create a plan for like tidying her home, cleaning her home, keeping up with house chores, which is a constant thing, right? We're never done with our house chores. They're ongoing all the time. Her self -talk was, I have to clean the whole house or it doesn't count.
I have to clean the whole house or it doesn't count. That was what her brain was telling her. And so then it feels really awful when you do a percentage of the whole thing and your brain says it doesn't count. So again, checking in on like reality checking, is it possible to clean your whole house? Maybe on a like full day, if that was the only project you were doing.
If that's an occasional thing that you do, like I do a whole house reset, sure, okay, if that fits for you. But is that a realistic thing for you every single week to say, have to clean the whole house or it doesn't count? For most of us, it's, I'm going to say that's an intense goal and probably doesn't fit for most of us. So reframing that all or nothing thinking of doing something.
is moving the needle, is progress. Cleaning, tidying a room of the house counts. Wiping the counters counts, right? So being able to reframe that action steps towards an entire goal count. one of my favorite strategies and tools that I help clients with who are
all or nothing thinkers or perfectionists or have this thought of I have to do the whole thing or I have to do, I need to do everything in my day for it to be a good day or for it to be a productive day or whatever that like self -talk looks like for you. My favorite strategy is coming up with menus. And this is a workshop that I lead in my coaching membership, stuck to started.
we brainstorm different categories of things that you're doing and things that you want to be making progress on and taking action on. And so I'll give an example for this client who was like, have to clean the whole house or it doesn't count. We made a list of categories and menus of the different types of cleaning that she was doing.
she had done hers by room. So she did like kitchen, bedroom, bathroom, living room. And then under each category, she had a menu of options of different action steps she could take, that she could choose from. And so instead of saying, have to clean every single room to have this count, she could go through and pick.
Okay, I'm going to tidy the living room and put everything back where it belongs. I'm going to strip my bed. I'm going to run the vacuum. Right? And so she was checking boxes in these different categories and feeling like, okay, I'm making progress across the board, even if I'm not doing everything all at once. And that's like a more sustainable way.
to take action, right? Like you're not going to bring yourself out when you're working with your energy, when you're choosing things that align for you. And so again, it challenges that all or nothing thinking of, if I can't do the whole thing, it doesn't count, or why would I even start it if I can't do the whole thing? So the same thing, I've done this menu option for self -care for clients too. So instead of saying like, if I can't do, you know,
my whole nighttime routine, or if I can't do, get to the gym for my whole workout, then I don't, it doesn't count, or I can't start it. Right, so being able to come up with different categories, physical self care, mental self care, social self care, and then a menu of options underneath that you can choose from based on how much time you have, what your energy looks like, all of that. So if this idea of menus or categories or giving yourself
like structure and flexibility is of interest to you. This is something that I, I love helping clients individualize and fit for them. So this is something that we're doing, like I said, in my membership, Stuck to Start a Society, because I think there's a lot of, there's a lot of power in realistic planning and having a different way to keep track of everything on your plate makes a difference, right?
And that looks different for different people. That's why I always say, take what's helpful, adjust it to fit for you, and leave the rest. There's no one size fits all to keep track of everything, or to do things, or to manage your time.
So I want to wrap up this episode by reminding you to give yourself more credit. And I know that this can be a challenging thing to do. It can be an uncomfortable thing to do, especially when your brain autopilots to focus on the things that you didn't finish today or the things that you're feeling stuck on or overwhelmed by. Because our brains unfortunately do autopilot to
that like automatic negative thought. And so it takes practice to retrain your brain to notice the things that you did do. So giving yourself credit for the things that you took some action on, giving yourself credit for if you gave yourself full permission to rest.
giving yourself credit for reframing how you're thinking about things. And that takes a lot of practice because you have to notice your thinking, challenge your thinking and have a new way to think. And that takes a lot of practice. So keep giving yourself credit as you're doing hard things because I know that you have a lot of things on your to -do list and I know more things keep getting piled on.
And I know that you also have goals that you're excited about, maybe feeling a little bit anxious or unsure about, but you're wanting to take action on them.
When life is constantly feeling overwhelming, I know it can feel like there's no other way, like that this is just how things go. And it's like, when will this, when will the overwhelm end? Because life keeps throwing things at us. But I think that's where having a new way of thinking about things, learning about your brain and creating tools and systems that actually work.
for you can make such a difference. feel so, grateful that I get to talk about this one on this podcast, on my Instagram, connecting with people in that way, and really getting to know an amazing community of people in Stock to Started. So if you're feeling overwhelmed, feeling stuck, trying to figure out a different way to get things done,
and you're unsure about next steps, whether that's connecting with me and stuck to started, or just using the resources and tools in this podcast and on my Instagram, send me a DM on Instagram or shoot me an email and we can chat. I am so, so grateful for this community. So thank you so much for being here. Thank you for listening along. If this podcast episode resonated with you,
and you have a friend or a loved one that you think would benefit from hearing it, please share it. I really appreciate it. Have a great day.
