Why Goals Feel Hard: Embracing Discomfort to Get Started
Why Goals Feel Hard: Embracing Discomfort to Get Started
You’ve probably heard the advice: set SMART goals, make an action plan, and voila—success is yours.
Let’s be honest—setting and achieving goals isn’t always as simple as it’s made out to be.
What do you do when a goal feels impossible? Or when the weight of perfectionism keeps you stuck in place?
I’ve been reflecting a lot on goals lately, both in my personal life and in my work as an executive function coach.
What I’ve realized is this: the real work of goal-setting isn’t just about creating a plan.
What actually holds you back
One of the KEY things that help people actually achieve their goals is learning to navigate the discomfort that comes with taking action.
Discomfort is sneaky. It shows up in so many ways—fear of failure, perfectionism, self-doubt—and your brain is wired to avoid it.
Discomfort is your brain’s way of saying, “Hey, maybe don’t do that. Let’s stay safe.” This is great if you’re avoiding a literal fire. But when the discomfort is tied to starting a project, speaking up in a meeting, or tackling a mountain of laundry?
Avoiding discomfort only keeps you stuck.
Here’s the truth: discomfort isn’t something you can avoid altogether. But you can choose which type you’ll face.
Will you navigate the discomfort of feeling stuck—waiting for the “perfect time” or endlessly procrastinating—or the discomfort of starting?
Once you name and face the discomfort head-on, something incredible happens: it starts to shrink. It might feel huge at first, but each small step you take lessens its power.
Perfectionism and the Trap of All-or-Nothing Thinking
One of the biggest ways you might get stuck is through perfectionism or all-or-nothing thinking. Maybe you’ve told yourself, “If I can’t do this perfectly, it’s not worth doing at all.” Or you’ve set a goal so big that it feels impossible to even start.
An executive function coaching client I worked with was frustrated because he couldn’t stick to his goal of meditating daily. After some digging, I discovered he’d decided his meditation had to last 30 minutes because that’s what he heard other people talk about. When I suggested starting with just five minutes, it was like a light bulb went off. He’d never considered that a smaller step could still count as progress. All or nothing thinking was holding him back.
If perfectionism is holding you back, take a moment to ask yourself: Is this goal realistic for my current time, energy, and resources? Adjusting your expectations isn’t about lowering your standards—it’s about making them achievable.
You don’t need to be consistent to be successful
Here’s another myth that needs busting: consistency doesn’t mean doing something perfectly every single day. For me, consistency is about restarting. Life happens, priorities shift, and sometimes you fall off track. That’s okay. What matters is that you pick up where you left off.
I’ve experienced this firsthand. For years, I told myself I’d get back into studying Spanish—a language I loved but hadn’t practiced in ages. When I finally committed to it, I had to accept that I wasn’t starting from where I’d left off. My skills were rusty, and it was uncomfortable at first. But I kept going, focusing on the progress I was making rather than the ground I’d lost.
You Don’t Have to Do Everything All at Once
Another common trap you might fall into is trying to tackle too much at once. Maybe you’ve got a list a mile long: create a morning routine, get the kids to their activities, hit all your work deadlines, cook healthy meals every night—the list goes on.
Here’s the thing: prioritizing is necessary (and challenging, I know!). You don’t have to work on every goal simultaneously. Give yourself permission to focus on one or two things at a time. Your energy is finite, and spreading it too thin won’t help you move forward. This is something I talk about all the time with my executive functioning/ ADHD coaching clients.
Find Joy in the Process
Finally, let’s talk about making your goals enjoyable. Goals that align with your identity and values are easier to stick to because they feel meaningful. What excites you? What lights you up? Goals tied to who you are—not just what you “should” do—are much more rewarding to work toward.
On the Other Side of Discomfort
Discomfort may feel overwhelming, but it’s not permanent. On the other side of that discomfort is pride, momentum, and growth. Every small step you take builds confidence and reminds you: You’ve done hard things before, and you can do them again.
So, whatever goal you’re working on—whether it’s mastering a new skill, starting a big project, or just getting through your to-do list—remember: it’s okay to start small. It’s okay to restart. And it’s okay to feel uncomfortable.
The most important thing is that you keep moving forward.
Share This With Someone Who Needs It
If this resonated with you, please share it with a friend or loved one who might also be stuck trying to start.
Curious about working with an Executive Function Coach?
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Sarah Lovell (00:00)
Today, I'm diving into how to tackle your goals, whether it's mastering conversational Spanish, finally putting away that pile of laundry, or committing to a weekly yoga class. Whatever your goals are, we're talking about them today. And while I can't wave a magic wand to make it all happen, I can share strategies to help you reframe your thinking
and make the process of working towards your goals feel a whole lot more enjoyable. Sound good? Let's get started.
So I have been thinking about goals a lot recently. I mean, this is something I talk about all the time with clients. It's something that I'm constantly reflecting on in my personal life and in my business. And I realized I have a non-traditional way to think about goals recently. So yes, obviously people set smart goals and they talk about action steps and making a plan and all of that is great.
You know, it really is important to have systems and tools to set goals. But if you've listened to other episodes or you follow me on Instagram or you're on my email list, you know that I talk about our self-talk and our mindset as the foundation of everything we do, absolutely everything. And so I think to think about goals, we have to think about our mindset and our self-talk first.
And so this is where the like, slightly non-traditional, maybe controversial, I don't know, thought comes in. I think working on your goals is actually about embracing discomfort. And before I lose you, before you're like, Sarah, I don't want to talk about discomfort. It's important. talking about discomfort is important because that's what can hold us back from doing things.
And if you've listened to my previous episodes on getting stuck and procrastination, know, discomfort serves a purpose. It's trying to protect us. Our brain is trying to protect us. And so when there is discomfort, our brain says, hey, maybe don't do that thing. Which from an evolutionary standpoint, yes, we need our brain to be able to protect us from safety things, right?
But in our everyday modern life, when most of the time we are not in a true fight or flight situation, we have to be able to acknowledge that discomfort and keep going. And so this is where I think a lot of goal setting and goal action can get stuck because it can be uncomfortable to think about goals.
For some people, not everybody, some people get super jazzed and excited, like, can't wait to put all my ideas on paper, right? Or to start taking action on my goals. But I think for many people, if this is you, I want you to feel validated that goals can be exciting and uncomfortable, terrifying, give us anxiety, whatever word pops up for you. For me, it's discomfort. And so I think working on goals is about embracing discomfort.
The discomfort of starting. The discomfort of feeling stuck, not being able to start. The discomfort of trying, not getting it and trying again.
of reconnecting with a goal after you've taken some time away from it, like getting back into working on something.
So I talk about discomfort tolerance with clients a lot and it's an uncomfortable topic. But I think this is why it's important. Basically like discomfort is going to happen in your life and you to some degree can choose which discomfort you're going to navigate. Are you going to navigate the discomfort of feeling stuck?
and waiting, right? That feeling of like, want to start, I should start, the shoulds, right? Feeling paralyzed or stuck, like having something you want to do, but being in waiting mode or being just like feeling really stuck, not able to start, right? That discomfort. Or are you going to work through the discomfort of starting? And so depending on your goal, it might be something that you just say, you know, I want to do it one day.
and you're living with the discomfort of feeling stuck and maybe you never start, right? And that's like kind of a scary, maybe sad thought of like, I'm so stuck with this idea of I want to start, but I can't get started. So you experience that discomfort for a prolonged period of time. And maybe you never start.
So it's that discomfort navigation of having a long period of time where you're waiting or having the shoulds pop up. You're not taking action. You're feeling stuck knowing that eventually you are going to have to start, right? If it's a time sensitive goal, if it's a goal that just has to happen. So then you have the double discomfort experience of I took all this time waiting or feeling stuck and I still have the discomfort of starting.
I hope this is making sense. know when I talk about it clients, it's a conversation. But basically what the point that I'm trying to make is you can choose again, to some degree, do I sit with the discomfort of waiting or do I sit with this discomfort of starting? And so I think it's acknowledging that starting is going to be uncomfortable and you're just swapping one type of discomfort for the other type. And then once you get started,
chances are that discomfort is going to decrease.
I think it's really important to acknowledge that that discomfort exists
because your brain wants it to be the right condition, the perfect time, the best feeling, right? And so sometimes we're stuck in that discomfort waiting for it to feel better to get started. And in order to get started, we just have to push through that discomfort. And I know that's an uncomfortable thought. How many times have I said discomfort in this podcast already? My goodness, right?
So on the other side of that discomfort, there are the good feelings, right? There's pride in that you've started, that you've taken action. Maybe there's some of that momentum and energy, some joy, some dopamine, some growth, right? Like that you got over that giant hurdle. And again, it's super important to name this for your brain. Like tell your brain, this is uncomfortable. This is hard.
and I can take action and I can do it. I have done hard things before, right? Having some of those reminders can be really helpful. this came up for me recently with this podcast.
This podcast was a big goal that I had for a long time. It was on my radar for a long time. And I definitely was waiting for the perfect time to start, which doesn't exist. The perfect time doesn't start. Sometimes we need to take action even when it's not the right circumstances, right? My life was busy. I had a lot of things going on, but I did do the...
analysis of can I make a little bit of time? Can I put a little bit of energy into this so that I can get over that discomfort of waiting for the perfect time? And if you listen to my first episode and you're still here listening to whatever episode we're on, 12, 13, I hope it sounds different. It feels different. My first episode,
I spent over an hour outlining it. I sat at my computer essentially paralyzed trying to convince myself to press record. I restarted it so many times because I wanted the wording to be just right. I wanted it to sound perfect, which doesn't exist. And I know that, right? But I had to remind myself that. And this episode feels totally different because I've worked through that initial discomfort.
there's obviously gonna be different discomforts that pop up in life and with our goals as they grow and evolve and we change and life changes and situations change. But I spent 15 minutes outlining this episode. I'm truly just talking as I go and I feel much better about it because I've worked through that discomfort. And I've also named it for myself, like letting myself know, hey,
It's going to be a little uncomfortable to get started, but once you get going, you're going to be good. And that, I think that is true for many of us. Not all goals, I recognize that, but it's an important thing to name. And then as goals grow and change, like I said, different discomfort pops up.
My goal for this podcast is evolving. so discomfort popped up.
talk with clients all the time about goals because that's what brings them to coaching. Whether they're working with me one-on-one or in my coaching membership stuck to started, basically people come to coaching because they have things that they want to be doing and they have goals that are important to them or goals that they need to work on even if they're not important to them. And I've noticed there are some common challenges that people have and so I'm going to talk through some of those.
in case you relate to these. So the first goal challenge that I see is people getting stuck with all or nothing thinking or perfectionism. And so this definitely pops up when setting goals, like even thinking about what the goal is. If you are a perfectionist, your brain tells you that the outcome needs to look a certain way.
So that creates pressure, that creates stress, that creates anxiety, that creates maybe an unrealistic expectation, probably an unrealistic expectation, because that piece of your brain, the perfectionist part of your brain paints the picture that it needs to look a certain way. This should, it should look this way, or it's not good or right or perfect unless it looks this way. And so when you have a ton of pressure on your goals,
that discomfort really increases, right?
So right there, first step, if you're somebody that feels stressed on your goals, is to check in. Is your perfectionistic brain kicking in here? Or is your all or nothing brain kicking in here? And you might say, Sarah, I'm not a perfectionist. Okay, if this is not you, hang on. We're gonna talk about some challenges you might have, and it might still fall into all or nothing. But if you're...
setting a perfectionistic goal, it becomes really hard to get unstuck and to take action. Or even when you do and you're making progress, when you don't hit that benchmark, it doesn't feel good. So it's important to challenge the goals that you're setting. I'm not saying don't set high goals or don't set good goals or exciting goals. That's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is checking in on your expectations for yourself.
I'm not telling you to lower your expectations. I'm telling you to adjust your expectations to fit reality. How much time, energy, resources can you put towards this goal? And what would a realistic outcome potentially look like? And it might change because life is always throwing wrenches, right? So check in on your goals, check in on if that perfectionism is kicking in. If you're like, no, Sarah, I'm not a perfectionist.
still check in on all or nothing thinking. And I'm going to give a specific example on this. So I worked with a client a couple of years ago and it still sticks out in my memory, this story. He was setting a goal of doing a daily meditation practice. This was something that was important to him. He had read quite a bit about it, listened to podcasts, and he was like, I really think doing some daily meditation.
is going to help me feel calmer, feel more focused, like have a better start to my day. So I want to meditate. And so, you know, I was like, great, that's an awesome goal. I'm glad you feel connected to it. And so I helped him do some thinking about what this could look like. When are you going to do it? Where are you going to do it? What is plan B? If that doesn't work, you know, all of those things, right? We went through the whole coaching process and he was like, I feel great.
So then we meet the following week and I was like, hey, how did meditation go? How are you feeling? What did it look like? What do you want to give yourself credit for? What challenges popped up? And he looked so defeated. He was like, I tried and I just can't, I can't do it.
I asked a bunch of questions. I love asking questions. And so the questions led me to this one statement that he made. He said, I just can't meditate for 30 minutes.
And I was like, interesting. What about five minutes or one minute? And his mind was blown. literally, when someone just has the shock on their face of like, my gosh, this aha moment, he was like, I literally never thought about meditating for less than 30 minutes because, you know.
everything I was reading said 20 to 30 minutes. He's like, it truly didn't cross my mind that I could do less.
And it was this aha moment for him and for me. And he was like, when you said that, it was so obvious. Like it was so obvious. If you can't do, if 30 minutes isn't working, try less. But he was like, my brain literally could not adjust the goal. My brain wasn't all or nothing thinking, right? So that's.
That's just one example of how sometimes we get it stuck in our head that a goal needs to look a certain way. And if it can't look a certain way, then it doesn't happen. And yes, that is a little form of perfectionism, even if you don't want to call it that. So again, noticing perfectionism, noticing all or nothing thinking, adjusting your expectations, right? These are all things that help you set better goals.
to work towards and help you work through some of that discomfort.
Another place I see clients getting stuck a lot is when there's uncertainty around the goal.
So if you don't know what the endpoint is supposed to look like, it's really hard to take action, right? Uncertainty leads to inaction. And so sometimes even just getting clarity, and this ties back into everything I just said, getting clarity on what does quote unquote done look like, even though you're never really done, right? I get that. So that is an important piece of goal setting.
is making sure that you have clarity on what the outcome will be. And I think it's before I go off on my, next thing I wanna talk about, I want to acknowledge that working towards a goal isn't always about the outcome. That's how we're taught to think about goals. We're taught to think, did I reach my goal? Yes, gold star for me, right? But sometimes that's outside of our control or,
again, that all or nothing thinking, maybe we make progress on a goal, but we haven't reached it yet. And so that all or nothing thinking doesn't allow us to give ourselves credit along the way. So I think it's more important that you give yourself credit for the process of working on a goal than the actual outcome of a goal. If your goal is to clean the kitchen, give yourself credit for tidying the counters.
It doesn't, you don't have to clean the whole kitchen. It's great if you do, but give yourself credit for each step of the way, right? It's about the process. I mentioned this in the beginning, but when I'm talking about goals on this episode, I'm talking about everything from the daily stuff that you're doing, like that you're not even thinking about as a goal maybe, like cleaning the kitchen, putting away laundry, cooking dinner, responding to an email, right? I'm talking about basically any action that you want or need to take.
talking about just the big, exciting goals that we're setting for ourselves or the projects that you want to do that you're like, the big things. It's the quote unquote little things too. It's everything, it's all actions. So any goal is a valid goal. And if the word goal doesn't fit for you, call it something else. That's really important. If the words that you're using create stress or pressure, rename it.
call it something else. But for the purpose of this episode, I'm gonna keep calling them goals. So the other thing that I really wanna make sure that I touch on is taking the pressure off of your goal, right? So I've kind of touched on this a little bit already, but you don't have to do everything all at once. I'm gonna repeat that for you. You do not have to do everything all at once. A lot of times,
The clients I'm working with have lots of things on their mind and on their plate. I've had clients come to me and be like, okay, so this is what I'm hoping to get out of coaching. A morning routine, an evening routine. I want to get to work on time. I want to exercise regularly. I want a grocery shop, meal prep, get my work projects done on time. Make sure that I'm getting the kids to their sports on time. I'm like, my goodness, that's a lot of things. You have a lot going on in your life.
I'm not saying to ignore those things, because obviously those things are happening every day, every week. It's part of life. But give yourself permission to not work on every single thing all at once. You don't have to constantly be trying to improve things or striving for things or setting expectations on yourself. And I know that's kind of the opposite theme of
this whole episode, think it's really important to acknowledge that we can't always be working on ourselves or we can't always be working on every single goal.
It's okay if you need to re-prioritize your energy and your time and your resources based on what's happening in life. You do not have to be consistent with your goals. Controversial, I know that one's controversial, but you don't. I think there's a lot of pressure of like, you need to do everything every single day in the same way, or you need to hit these metrics or life needs to look a certain way.
And like, that's just not realistic for most of us, So consistency for me is not about doing it every day or doing it every week. Consistency for me is if I stop doing something and it's meaningful and important or something that I need to do, consistency is restarting it again.
And that is a huge mindset shift because you're giving yourself credit for taking action instead of being hard on yourself or mean to yourself for that period of, I'll call it inaction or pause or time away from that goal or activity. Right? So it's definitely, it's sometimes we have to acknowledge like, man, I haven't
kept up with emails or I'm so behind on my laundry or I said I was gonna practice piano a couple times a week and I haven't looked at music in months, right? Like it's important to acknowledge like, know, something popped up, something changed and to really focus on giving yourself credit for
taking a step back into that goal. So you're not ignoring the fact that you stepped away from it, you're acknowledging it, you're naming it for yourself, but you're not shaming or guilting yourself. Or if your brain starts to do that, you catch it and you reframe it.
That is really important. It is really important to give yourself credit for getting back on the horse, as they say. And when you do get back on the horse or restart playing piano or approach that mountain pile of laundry, it's really important that you don't expect yourself to pick right back up where you left off.
I'll use myself as an example. I studied Spanish for four years in high school, for four years in college, and I studied abroad in Spanish speaking countries twice. And I loved Spanish. I was pretty conversational with it. Like, I really enjoyed being able to speak and read and understand Spanish. And then...
for many, many, many years, more than I will count or say out loud, I didn't really practice my Spanish. And I had the goal of like, I want to get back into Spanish. I want to get back into Spanish. One day I'll do it, maybe soon. And eventually something clicked and I was like, today is the day. Today is the day I start learning Spanish again and I reconnect with Spanish. And when they say if you don't use it, you lose it, that is true.
So the last time I had practiced my Spanish many years ago, I was conversational. I was pretty fluent. And getting back into Spanish, I was like, you know, it'll be like riding a bike. It wasn't. And so that discomfort, again, coming back to that idea of discomfort, I had to like name that for myself, like, okay, my Spanish level
is a little rusty. And so it's going to be a little uncomfortable getting back into this and I have to do some relearning, right? And that's not just for Spanish. That is for any goal or any system. So if you had a system that you used to be in a flow with your household chores or your meal planning or exercise,
or even making social plans, right? Like if you had a system or a flow or something that was working for you and then something happened and there was a shift, you stopped using it, things changed, it might feel different to get back into using that system, right? So it's important to just acknowledge that discomfort, there it is again, might pop up and to not hold ourselves to that expectation of it should.
look the way it did before.
So I wanna wrap up this episode and remind you that there's no right or wrong way to set goals or to work on goals or to reflect on goals, right? Take what's helpful from this episode. If there are things that connected with you, take them, adjust them to fit for you. If something I said just wasn't the right fit, it's okay, leave it, right? That's really important to me. Like there's no one size fits all for anything.
If you have goals that you're working on, reflecting, setting, any of those things, a friendly reminder to make them fun when you can, to really have them connect with your identity and your values, that makes working on goals more comfortable, even though there's still that discomfort. If you haven't already listened to episode nine on
Setting Identity-Based Goals. That is a great episode to do some thinking on goals. So go back and check that one out if you want,
If this episode connected with you, please share it with a friend, a loved one, who might also enjoy it. Thank you so much for being here today.
