“I wish I started sooner:” 5 strategies to get Unstuck
“I wish I started sooner:” 5 strategies to get Unstuck
Have you ever felt stuck, knowing you want to start something but unable to take the first step? Maybe it’s as simple as putting away laundry or as big as trying a new activity.
The gap between wanting to act and actually starting can feel like a massive leap. As an executive function coach, I help people bridge that gap every day.
Keep reading to dig into why starting can be so challenging, how it differs from procrastination, and share actionable strategies to help you move forward with confidence.
Why “Starting” Is So Hard
Starting a task involves more than just willpower—it’s an executive function skill called taskinitiation. While procrastination often stems from a lack of interest or motivation, being stuck is different. You want to take action, but perfectionism, fear, or overwhelm create a barrier.
These emotions can trigger a cycle of shame and self-doubt, making the task feel even more daunting. Understanding what’s happening in your brain is the first step toward breaking free.
My Hot Yoga Story: Breaking Through Stuckness
A few months ago, a hot yoga studio opened near my condo. I was curious but hesitant—I’d never done hot yoga before, and self-doubt crept in.
“What if I pass out? What if I don’t know what I’m doing?” These thoughts kept me stuck. But I made a plan: I’d go early, introduce myself to the instructor, and let her know I was new.
Taking that step wasn’t easy. My brain tried to convince me to cancel—“You didn’t drink enough water” or “You should be working instead.” But I countered each excuse, walked into the studio, and ended up loving the class. My immediate thought? “I wish I had started sooner.”
This experience reminded me how important it is to push past the initial discomfort of starting.
The Difference Between Procrastination and Being Stuck
It’s easy to label every delay as procrastination, but as an executive function coach, I know the words we use matter.
Procrastination: Often reflects a lack of connection or interest in the task.
Being stuck: Involves a strong desire to act but feeling paralyzed by fear, perfectionism, or overwhelm.
Recognizing the difference is key—it validates your emotions and helps you find the right tools to move forward.
Strategies to Get Unstuck
Here are actionable strategies to help you move past stuckness and build momentum:
1. Acknowledge Your Self-Talk
What is your brain telling you? Is perfectionism or fear of failure popping up? Name the emotion, then reframe the thought. For example:
When I wanted to go to a yoga class, but was feeling stuck my brain was telling me all sorts of things: “Now isn’t the right time. It will be too hard.”
I was anxious. I reminded myself: “Doing something new is scary and it’s okay if I don’t know what I’m doing right away. I’m there to learn.”
2. Identify What’s Holding You Back
Is it uncertainty, perfectionism, or overwhelm? Once you pinpoint the cause, you can choose the right strategy to overcome it.
All of those things were keeping me from scheduling the yoga class. I gave my self permission to ask questions when arrived to the studio (a way to get clarity), acknowledged there will never be the perfect time (it just needs to fit my schedule), and new things can be overwhelming and that’s part of the journey.
3. Take Small, Realistic Steps
Break the task into manageable actions. Celebrate every small win to build momentum.
All I had to do was commit to one class. I wasn’t committing to hot yoga for the rest of my life: just one hour to start. I logged in to my account, picked one that fit my schedule, and booked it.
4. Seek Accountability
Tell a trusted friend or family member your plan. Sharing your goal creates positive pressure and increases the likelihood of follow-through.
I told my sister I scheduled the class for additional support and encouragement.
5. Give Yourself Grace
Once you’ve taken that first step, resist the urge to dwell on regret or “what could have been.” Instead, focus on the progress you’re making. Each small action builds confidence for future challenges.
I was so proud of myself after that first class. That is a data point for my brain anytime I want or need to do something new and challenging: I can do hard things.
Ready to Take Action? (Even if you’re not…Executive Function Coaching is here for you!)
If you resonate with this, consider exploring working with an executive function coach. I help adults with ADHD tackle overwhelm, build momentum, and take action toward their goals. Coaching is designed to help you move from stuck to started, whether it’s with daily tasks, long-term projects, or building sustainable habits.
How do you get unstuck & take action? Create your own individualized toolbox!
Sign up for the free on-demand training and discover:
My proven 3 part formula to help you get “unstuck” and take action
How to build a toolbox so you can finally finish the tasks that have been on your to-do list forever
Simple self-talk techniques to shift your mindset, reduce stress, and manage your chronic overwhelm
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Sarah Lovell (00:00)
Have you ever put something off and when you finally did it, you thought, why didn't I just start that sooner? Maybe it's calling the doctor, tidying your house, or tackling a pile of paperwork. Whatever it is, starting is hard. It feels impossible when you're stuck in uncertainty, perfectionism, and fear.
In today's episode, I'm diving into what it really means to be stuck, how it's different than procrastination, and strategies to help you get moving the next time you find yourself wanting to take action, but completely paralyzed. Let's turn that I wish I started this sooner into I'm so glad I did
A few months ago, a hot yoga studio opened walking distance from my condo, like literally down the hill, like a two minute walk. And when they were opening, I was like, this would be something cool to try, maybe. I'm somebody that practices yoga. Like I go through spurts of joining a studio.
going once in a while and then kind of dropping off. And like, that's been an okay, comfortable pattern for me. And when I do yoga, I enjoy it. And so when the studio moved into my neighborhood, I had both the excitement of this could be cool and the fear of I've never done hot yoga before. And so I kept catching myself driving by it or walking by it.
and thinking, I should sign up for a class. And right there is a red flag. The word should, right? Like that my brain was already putting this pressure on. And so I should sign up for a class. I should just do it, right? Like those phrases that are meant to be helpful, but really aren't. And so I eventually was like, what is keeping me stuck? Like, why am I not actually taking action on this?
And I realized, like, definitely there was some fear there. And so I acknowledged it. Going to a first class, I'm not going to know what to expect. And some of the self-talk that was popping up was like, it's going to be hard. Everyone else is going to know what they're doing. I'm going to look silly. What if I pass out? Valid fear. I'm not somebody that does well with extreme heat.
What if I get so disgusting and sweaty? Like I'm embarrassed, right? Like these were like actual thoughts that popped into my head. I can't believe I'm even saying them out loud right now to you. But I think there's a good, there's a good I learned here. So I want to share it. So basically I noticed that this is what was happening. Like my self talk was keeping me stuck. And so I came up with a plan because I did actually want to go to a yoga class.
So I asked myself, how can I address my concerns before I go to the class? So one option was I could call the studio and ask them some questions about what to expect. And that was a quick rule out for me. I did not want to make a phone call. But I decided I could go to class early. I could sign up for a class and walk in, introduce myself to the teacher, the instructor, and let them know I'm totally new and I'm
a little nervous about not knowing what to expect. I've done yoga, but I've never done hot yoga. And so then I realized that was gonna feel more comfortable for me. And so then I needed to just pick a class and schedule it. And my brain gets really stuck on finding the perfect time. Like, is this the optimal time for my schedule? Does this Tetris in beautifully? Does it create the straight Tetris line, right?
And that doesn't exist most of the time. And so I was like, what's a good enough time for me to go? And so I told myself accountable, which is also really important for me personally, is I told my sister, I was like, I am going to schedule a yoga class this week. And then I felt like that support and also a little bit of good external pressure because I knew she was going to ask how did it go.
And so the day of the class, my brain tried to come up with any and all reasons to cancel at the last minute. I didn't drink enough water today. Like, no, I drank an adequate amount. I have other things I could be doing right now. Like I have work projects that need to be done. It's like, no, this was an after work thing. I deserve non-work activities.
I deserve self care, I deserve like trying something new, right? The dogs need to go for a walk. No, I can take the dogs for a walk before or after the class, they will be fine. And so I caught myself, I caught my brain trying to make an excuse or trying to protect me from something that I was feeling some anxiety about. And so like, that's an important thing to acknowledge. Like if your brain...
is spitting out thoughts to be like, hey, don't do it. Or hey, have you thought about this? Checking in with yourself on like, okay, my brain is trying to protect me. And I can counter all of these thoughts, right? Like putting your thoughts on trial. And so I walked to the yoga studio, had the little butterflies in my tummy and went in, talked with the instructor. She was the nicest human being imaginable.
She gave me guidance on where to set myself up in the room, because it's different in a hot yoga class. If you've ever done hot yoga, they have the heat lamps in the ceiling. So she was like, probably you don't want to be right under a heat lamp. Go a little bit off to the side. Have your water next to you. It's totally normal if you need to get up and leave the room. I was like, she gave me permission, right? So I went in, I set myself up.
I chatted a little bit with the people near me and was like, you know, it's my first time and they're like, my gosh, how exciting. We're so glad you're here. I had an amazing class and the immediate thought that I had afterwards, like walking home was, I wish I had started this sooner.
And I think that statement is a double-edged sword. It's helpful and validating in that like, I'm so glad I did this. And then there's like a but, I'm so glad I did this, but I could have been doing this for longer, or I should have started this months ago. And so helpful, not helpful combo, right?
Because I think it's good to validate, like give yourself credit. Like I'm proud of myself for going and doing something hard, something new. And I think like it's important to acknowledge like, I'm gonna use the word like grief. Maybe that's too heavy of a word, like, because it's not true grief, at least for me in this situation, but kind of like the what could have been. Like if I had signed up for this class two months ago, I could have been doing this.
more. Like I could have more of this in my life. I could have this feeling more. Or even like acknowledging if I had signed up for this class two months ago, I wouldn't have had two months of me occasionally shoulding myself or guilting myself or like shaming myself for not having started it yet. And so I think we have to be really careful when that statement pops up for us. I wish I had started this sooner. Or
Yeah, whatever variation that is for you if your brain ever tells you that. And so I think it's important to acknowledge, but also it's more important to be kinder to yourself. So instead of the shame and the guilt and the shoulds, because your brain is automatically going to populate those thoughts for you. Like our brains are wired, unfortunately, to be more easily negative.
So the challenge and the thing that we need to practice is giving ourselves credit for doing the thing after we do it. So I'm so glad I took that step. I'm proud of myself for starting. Now, the next time I sign up, it's going to be easier, right? And so ironically, this basically parallel situation happened to me again.
recently. So I am I'm from New Hampshire if you don't already know that but I'm currently living in California for a season. So New Hampshire's home but I'm on an adventure living in California and so with my move came a giant schedule change routine change right like I left my yoga studio in New Hampshire
And so I even had the thought of like, this might happen again, where I want to find a yoga studio and start classes. And so I even had that in my head of like, no, I need to make sure that I like don't have that regret of not starting sooner. Well, spoiler alert, it.
parallel process. It happened again. I gave myself some time to like adjust to the move to get used to my routine. But then I was like, okay, I want to go to yoga. I should go to yoga, right, the red flag. And I had the added challenge of I have to research studios because I'm not familiar with the area. So that was like an additional step to signing up for a yoga class. And then my brain got caught again in the exact same trap.
because our brains are hardwired, we have to practice getting out of these, you know, certain thought patterns. But my brain said, you need to find the perfect time yoga class. And this also happened with daylight savings. So it's like dark now at four o'clock. And I'm tired when it's dark. So like the idea of going to a yoga class at 5pm or 6pm, when I'm already at home, because I work from home, right, I have to like,
work my way out of that like stuck thinking. And so I caught myself sooner than I did with the hot yoga studio, but I still had that same thought of once I signed up for a class and once I went, I had the exact same thought, I wish I had started this sooner. And so the reason I'm sharing this, and the irony of the exact same situation happening to me months apart,
is because this is something that I talk about with clients all the time, the regret of not starting sooner. And sometimes it's on goals like mine, like going to a yoga class, but a lot of times it's on like daily tasks, putting laundry away, going grocery shopping, know, doing those like day-to-day tasks that we get stuck on or we procrastinate on, and then it all piles up, it becomes harder.
because we're quote unquote behind. And so starting is hard at baseline, but then it becomes even more difficult because there's more to catch up on. Or sometimes it's like scary tasks or tasks that maybe bring up some anxiety or fear or a mix of emotions. So managing finances, calling the doctor, scheduling a meeting with your boss, organizing paperwork.
Starting is usually the hardest part for most people. Starting is really, really hard. So if you're someone that struggles with getting started on something, whether it's something you want to do or something you don't wanna do, they are both valid.
So starting can be a challenge for lots of different reasons. Basically, starting is an executive function skill. We call it task initiation. But for the purpose of this podcast, I'm going to call it starting. But it's its own executive function skill. To start a task is one of the complex tools that we need, right?
At baseline, starting is complicated. And then there might be other things that layer on that make starting even harder. Is there uncertainty? Is perfectionism popping up for you, right? That you have certain expectations that you're holding yourself to. Or like in my example, looking for the perfect time or the perfect plan, right? Even when you know that
perfect doesn't exist. Your brain, if you're a perfectionist or a recovering perfectionist, the part of your brain that is wired for perfectionism will flash that thought of, It needs to be perfect. And so being able to challenge that is
an ongoing challenge for lots of people.
Is fear popping up? Fear of failure? Anxiety? Social anxiety? Whatever fear might look like for you.
And then like I said, challenges with executive functioning really impacts our ability to start. So planning, time management, organizing, prioritizing, problem solving, we have to unravel a complicated web to get started on stuff.
This is where I think we overuse the word procrastinate. The words we use really, really matter. And if you've been following me for a while, whether it's on this podcast, on my email list, on Instagram, I talk about this a lot. This is like my big thing that I'm obsessed with. We overuse the word procrastinate. We say that we're procrastinating on stuff when in actuality,
you might be stuck. So here's the difference. Procrastination is you do not want to do the thing.
I do not want to bring the trash out. Being stuck is different. Being stuck is you really want to do the thing. The thing is important to you. You have some inner drive there that you want to take action, but you can't get yourself for a variety of different reasons. And so in both situations, you're having a hard time getting started.
you're, I'll use the word avoiding, you're avoiding the task and they both feel awful.
But I think being stuck feels 10,000 times worse because you really do want to do it. And that's the difference. Procrastinating, it's something that's like not that important to you. Maybe it's something you're being told you have to do. You don't feel as connected to it. And so, I mean, you could use the same example for both.
Right? Like I'll use the example of laundry. Laundry comes up a lot. So yes, you might be procrastinating on laundry. Like, just, I don't feel like doing it today. I don't feel connected to my laundry. I do it all the time. Right? And so it's okay. I want to like acknowledge like it's okay if either of these things pop up for you.
And I want to also acknowledge that like people experience them to different levels of intensity and like impact on their life. So if you're somebody who constantly is like every week, it's like, I just don't want to do my laundry. I just don't want to do my laundry. Like I want to validate you on that. I get it. Like it's repetitive and boring and I get it. So that's an example of procrastination on laundry. Being stuck.
on laundry looks and feels a little bit different. So it might start with procrastination and it could merge into being stuck. But being stuck is looking at the laundry pile and being like, I know it's time. I know it's time to do some laundry. I'm running totally low. Everything's on empty. And I want to be able to do it. And I just can't.
get to myself to take action. There's that feeling of paralysis. There's that feeling of extreme overwhelm. There's the shame, the shoulds, the guilt, all of those feelings swirling inside. And the idea of trying to make a plan or trying to take action or trying to problem solve is just so overwhelming.
and there's still that desire to do it. And so that's the difference. And both feelings are valid. Both feelings are things that are part of life. But I wanna validate if you're somebody that is chronically feeling stuck, that is a real challenge. And I think sometimes people don't get it because they think you're procrastinating.
They think that there's like no desire, there's, you know, she just doesn't want to do it. this is where people like throw out the word lazy, which I have so much. I could do a whole podcast on why we should not be using the word lazy in situations like this. It's not laziness. It's not procrastination. If you have that desire to do something and you can't get yourself to do it, you're stuck. And the words that we use really, really, really matter.
because I think using the word stuck is slightly more validating. Like it acknowledges that you want to do the thing. And so it could be something like laundry. We fall into, you know, procrastination or stuckness. In my example of wanting to go to yoga, I wanted to go.
And I felt bad for not being able to turn it into a plan and not being able to turn it into action. And so if I said to myself, like, I'm just procrastinating, I'm just like, you whatever, that like diminishes the feeling that I had. So I was stuck trying to get myself to go to yoga.
Does this sound familiar at all to you? Can you think of a time where you were stuck and then once you started, you felt a little bit better, but like the gap between wanting to do it and actually taking action was a massive leap, right? Like it's a big lift. And you know, once we do take that action, I think there's a lift off of our shoulders of it feels so much better that
pressure release of getting over one of the hardest parts of starting. And then for many people that like twinge of regret of I wish I had started earlier or I wish I didn't stretch out that feeling of discomfort for so long.
So let's talk about some strategies that you can use the next time you're feeling stuck. And once you do take action, like that feeling of regret pops up.
First, I want you to think of something right now or in the past that you are stuck on or that you were stuck on in the past. And I'm gonna walk you through how to approach this. And it's going to be a of like a shortened version of what I help clients with in my coaching membership, Stuck to Started. So you'll get a little taste of what coaching looks like.
Obviously, it's going to feel and look different because I'm talking to you and you can't talk back. And I'm talking to, you know, I'm generalizing this, but I want to give you some tools that you can use. As always, take what's helpful, adjust it to fit for you. And if I say something that doesn't click, leave it. It's totally fine. All right. So think of something right now.
that you are currently stuck on or use something in the past that you've been stuck on. First, I want you to notice your self-talk. What is your brain telling you? So just like how I gave in my example, notice is perfectionism popping up, fear, anxiety. Naming your emotions is really powerful. It does actually help our brain feel a sense of understanding. Like, okay, yes, this is what I'm experiencing.
And then the challenge here is reframing it for yourself. So you can't let yourself stay with that thought. You need to challenge the thought. You need to push back on the thought. You need to offer a piece of evidence against the thought. And this is something I help clients with every single day. This takes practice because your brain isn't necessarily wired to come up with a new positive affirming
encouraging thought right away. You have to practice that. And so sometimes having a short list of of ones that you can tell yourself is really helpful. I know I'm going to move us through this very quickly. once you've acknowledged your self talk and reframed it for yourself, then you're going to identify why you're stuck to the best of your ability.
And normally I ask lots of questions to help people get to the like core of what's keeping them stuck. And this is important because it helps you pick the right tool to get unstuck. common list of examples. Is there uncertainty or an unclear starting point? Is it a boring or frustrating task? Again, perfectionism. Is that popping up? Is there overwhelming stress there?
All of the above, right? Sometimes in my situation, all of the above. Not the boredom or frustration, that one was not true for me in the yoga example. But once you identify what's keeping you stuck, you can then pick a tool from your toolbox to help you take action. So I'll go back to my example, perfectionism was popping up, so I challenged that and I used self-talk to work my way through it.
the stress and uncertainty of not knowing. So I came up with a plan. How can I get more clarity on what to expect going to class early? And then also having accountability telling somebody, hey, I'm gonna go. Can you check in with me and ask how it went? Right?
So this is the framework I walk clients through in our Hot Seat coaching calls, in our workshops,
And even in our community feed where people ask questions or I ask like, what are you working on this week? And they'll share, know, I'm trying to catch up on emails, but I'm not really sure where to start. I'll walk them through these questions to help them make sure that they're acknowledging their self-talk, they're figuring out what's keeping them stuck, and then picking a tool or strategy from their toolbox.
that aligns with that reason. And if they don't have a tool or a strategy, I brainstorm some with them or share some different ideas of what they can try.
So the other side of this is once you do take action, right? Starting with small realistic steps. Once you do start and you feel that relief and that twinge of regret pops up that you waited too long or you wish you had started sooner, that grief of what could have been, it's really important that you give yourself some grace and kindness.
So instead of asking, why didn't I start this sooner? You might check in with yourself. What got in the way? What can I do differently next time? I'm a broken record for telling you to give yourself credit, but that is super important. Once you take action, even the smallest step, you are getting unstuck, right? You still could be stuck, but you aren't. You've started,
So focus on what you are doing, not what you didn't do. And I know that is harder to do than it is to say. So I'm gonna repeat it. I'm gonna repeat it. Focus on what you are doing, not what you didn't do. Because your brain will auto populate the thoughts of you didn't do this, you should have done that,
Wouldn't it have been better if XYZ, right, your brain will auto-populate those for you? you don't need to focus on what you didn't do.
It is a challenge to give yourself credit, especially when your brain is throwing those ideas at you. So really focus on giving yourself credit. And then keep this as a data point for the future that you can take action, even when things are uncomfortable. Clearly in my yoga example, there's still the exact same situation popped up.
And I was able to look back and say, okay, I've done this once before. I can do this again. The sooner I take action, the sooner I'm going to feel a sense of relief or transitioning from one type of discomfort to the next, right? Like the discomfort of waiting and shoulds to the discomfort of I'm about to do the thing, right? It's a little bit different discomfort. It's like that anticipatory discomfort of like, what's it going to be like, right?
Keep this as a data point for when future situations pop up that you can point back to this and say, I've done hard things before, I can do hard things again.
So if you've been listening to my podcast, if you're on my weekly email newsletter, or if you've seen me talk about my coaching membership stuck to started on Instagram, and you've had the like thought of joining, I'm gonna use this podcast episode as a possible sign that maybe now is the time to reach out and.
I don't want this to be the thing where if you join the membership, you have that thought, I wish I joined sooner. So I will tell you, almost everybody who has joined the membership has sent me an email or DMed me on Instagram to ask questions to make sure that it's the right fit for them. I want you to feel confident joining.
So it is not weird. I know sometimes there's that like discomfort of, I don't wanna like, I'm not sure what to ask or literally I've had people email and be like, I'm thinking about your membership, but I'm not sure. Can you tell me a little bit more about XYZ? So if this is you, if you're in that boat, send me an email, send me a DM and let's chat about the membership. And if...
right now is truly not the right time for you. I get it, no worries, no pressure. The membership is not for everybody. And that's why it's so important that when you join, I want you to make sure that it feels like the right fit for you. So that's my pitch for the membership because I am so obsessed with this community. And watching the way that people are taking action is just absolutely amazing. So if you're looking for
support, accountability, resources, and a community. I want you to know that it exists and it's stuck to start in. I will wrap up this episode with a challenge for you. I want you to pick one thing on your list, your mental list, your to-do list, any of your 12 post-it notes that are on your desk, whatever. No shame, whatever works for you.
I want you to pick one thing that you've been thinking about doing. Maybe you're feeling stuck on it. And I want you to identify one small, realistic action step that you can take this week. Smaller the better. It does not have to be signing up for a yoga class. If yoga is your goal, which I'm not saying it is, but it could be Googling yoga studio near me. That is an action step.
If your goal is getting a handle on your laundry, maybe it's just making, you know, collecting all of it into one pile. That counts. And then I want you to be proud of yourself for taking that action. I'm glad you're here. Thank you for being part of my community and I will talk to you next week.
