Don't let perfectionism steal your joy: how to stop overthinking & take action as a perfectionist
Most people think perfectionism is about high standards and doing things well. But here’s the truth:
Perfectionism isn’t about excellence—it’s about fear.
The fear of failure. The fear of judgment. The fear of doing something wrong or wasting time.
Perfectionism shows up in sneaky ways. It doesn’t just impact your work or school—it creeps into the things you love, making you hesitate before doing them.
And sometimes that fear stops you from doing things that would actually bring you joy.
Maybe you’ve always wanted to try painting, but you don’t because “I’m not artistic.”
Maybe you love collecting things—stickers, journals, candles—but never use them.
Maybe you want to get back into an old hobby but feel discouraged because you’re “not as good as you used to be.”
This is how perfectionism secretly steals your happiness. But if you struggle with perfectionism, it’s okay. There’s a way to get unstuck and take your joy back.
1️⃣ "What If I Waste It?" Thinking
Raise your hand if you’ve ever:
✔️ Saved a sticker because you didn’t want to “waste” it on the wrong surface.
✔️ Kept a journal blank because you didn’t want to “ruin” it with bad handwriting.
✔️ Avoided burning a candle because you were saving it for a “special occasion.”
🎯That’s perfectionism at work.
I used to collect stickers when I traveled. Every time I found one I loved, I’d buy it, thinking, This will be perfect for my laptop or water bottle.
And then?
I never used them.
I kept them tucked away in a drawer for years. My brain was convinced that I needed to wait for the perfect placement, the perfect layout, the perfect time.
🚨 Except… that time never came.
And that’s when I realized: What’s the point of collecting things that bring me joy if I never actually use them?
If you’re someone who has a drawer full of stickers, or empty journals, here’s how to fight back:
→ Use the thing. Stick the sticker. Write in the journal. Burn the candle. Enjoy it now.
→If you're saving something for a “special occasion,” remind yourself: Life is the occasion.
2️⃣ Avoiding Hobbies Because You "Won't Be Good"
Have you ever wanted to try something—painting, dancing, learning an instrument—but stopped yourself because your brain is telling you…
“I’m not naturally talented at that.”
“I’d be bad at it, and that would be embarrassing.”
“I don’t want to waste time on something I won’t be great at.”
Perfectionism strikes again.
For YEARS, I thought about learning the ukulele. I loved the idea of playing a song just for fun, but every time I considered taking a class, I thought:
“I’m going to be terrible when I start. What’s the point?”
So I didn’t sign up. For YEARS I never learned the ukelele.
Then, during COVID, I finally decided to be brave and took a few Zoom lessons. I reminded myself that learning anything new is going to be challenging. And guess what?
I was terrible at first. And even though I had negative thoughts like “I’m terrible at this” I decided to keep at it. My first attempt at Seven Nation Army by the White stripes was unrecognizable. But I did it anyway.
And the best part? I had fun. Seven Nation Army sounds hysterical on the uke once you get the right notes & tempo.
I never became amazing at it, and that’s okay. I got to experience the joy of trying something new without the pressure of needing to be perfect.
If there’s something you’ve always wanted to try but decided it’s “too late” because you’ll never be a professional pianist, here’s how to fight perfectionism:
→ Start for the sake of starting.Not everything needs to be productive. Some things are just for joy.
→Allow yourself to be bad at something new.Every expert was once a beginner.
3️⃣ Comparing Yourself to Your Past Self
If you’ve ever said:
❌ “I used to be good at this, but now I’m rusty. It won’t be the same.”
❌ “I don’t want to start again because I’ll never be as good as I was.”
That’s perfectionism in disguise.Shocker, right?
I used to be conversationally fluent in Spanish. I studied abroad in Spain and Costa Rica, spoke Spanish daily, and loved it.
But after years of not practicing, my skills faded. It’s hard coming to terms with not being able to do something you USED to be able to do.
Every time I thought about re-learning Spanish, my brain said:
“You’ll never be as fluent as you were when you lived abroad.”
“What’s the point if you’ll never be as good as before?”
Perfectionism made me think if I couldn’t be amazing, I shouldn’t bother at all. But that’s a lie.
Now, I practice Spanish for a few minutes a day on Duolingo—just for fun. I’m nowhere near as fluent as I was at 22, and that’s okay. I still enjoy learning and know if I ever go back to Costa Rica, I’ll still know how to order my favorite meal.
How to Fight Perfectionism:
→ Stop comparing yourself to your past self.Your worth isn’t based on past achievements.
→ Focus on progress, not perfection. Every small step forward is still progress.
Your Challenge: Do Something Imperfectly, On Purpose
If perfectionism is stealing your joy, it’s time to take it back.
🎯 Pick one small thing you’ve been avoiding because you’re waiting for the perfect time.
🎯 Do it imperfectly, on purpose.
🎯 Tag me on Instagram or comment below with what you tried!
Some ideas:
✔️ Try a new recipe—even if you don’t end up liking it.
✔️ Pick up an old hobby—just for fun.
✔️ Read a book—without worrying if it’s the “perfect” book.
Life isn’t about perfection. It’s about joy.
Need Help Breaking Free from Perfectionism?
If you’re tired of overthinking, procrastinating, and getting stuck in perfectionism, executive function coaching can help.
Curious about navigating perfectionism with the support of an executive function coach?
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Sarah Lovell (00:01.516)
Welcome back to From Stuck to Started. We are continuing our conversation about perfectionism. And today I'm talking about a sneaky side of perfectionism. The ways that perfectionism unknowingly steals your joy. If you've ever really wanted to do something but felt stuck or held back, this episode is for you. We'll do music, do the intro, and then we'll get into the content.
Sarah Lovell (00:33.346)
I'm so excited to chat today with you because my goal for this episode is for you to leave with a plan to bring more joy into your life. And specifically related to how perfectionism is maybe keeping you back from doing the things that you would truly enjoy doing. And so if you haven't listened to the last two episodes, feel free to check those out whenever there's no particular order that you need to listen to them in. There's no, there's no perfect way.
But I'm gonna give you a quick summary of what we've talked about before we jump into today's content, which is about joy. So in the last couple of episodes, I've made some bold statements about perfectionism as a recovering perfectionist. So the first is you are not a perfectionist, right? Being able to separate yourself out from that identity. If it's one that you have proudly held in the past, if it's one that you loosely hold, whatever it is.
acknowledging you are not a perfectionist. That is not part of your identity. But there is part of your brain that is perfectionistic. And this is like a different way to think about it, right? You're kind of externalizing it a little bit. And that part of your brain is trying to protect you from experiencing discomfort. Because perfectionism isn't always about doing high quality work. A lot of the underlying iceberg of perfectionism is avoiding fear.
fear of failure, fear of judgment, and fear of not being good enough. And so perfectionism really is about navigating discomfort. And it's not always bad, right? Like sometimes it is good to put lots of effort and time and energy into things that you want to be high quality and things that are really important and meaningful to you. But not everything needs to be done to that level. And it's truly impossible.
to live life, trying to have every little thing or the majority of things be perfect, whatever that means for you. And so perfectionism and procrastination go hand in hand. And perfectionism can keep you from doing the things that you want and need to do. And that is what we're talking about today. I'm hoping this episode will be short and sweet, but I'm chatty, so who knows? So like I said in the intro,
Sarah Lovell (02:59.234)
Perfectionism is sneaky. It shows up in our life without us really knowing it sometimes. It doesn't just show up at school or at work. That's what I talked about in the last two episodes, but it can show up in the things that we want to do. And this is an example of being stuck. You want to do the thing, but your brain is trying to protect you from experiencing discomfort. So I'm gonna share a couple of ways, unexpected ways, that perfectionism used to steal my joy.
and how I noticed it and how I shifted so that perfectionism is stealing less of my joy, that I'm more mindful of it and I have strategies to navigate it when it pops up. And some of these are going to sound a little ridiculous and I know that. So first, I love stickers. I am a 90s kid. I am a millennial. And I don't know, like sticker culture has just like
popped up in different times of my life. like right now it seems like stickers, maybe they're out again, but in last couple of years they were really in. And I would collect them when I was traveling or like people would think of me and give me like, I saw this quokka. Like I love quokkas. They're an adorable animal in Australia. I saw this quokka sticker and thought of you, or, you know, somebody gave me a David from Schitt's Creek, right? And so I had this like little pile of stickers.
that I loved and they brought me joy. But I never, there were like years where I wouldn't put them on anything because I didn't wanna waste them. And when I dive deeper into my thought process there, it was because my brain wanted them to be in the perfect location, right? Like the layout had to be just right. Or what if I get a new sticker and it doesn't fit or the aesthetic or whatever, you know? And...
So it's wild to look back at how many years I had collected these stickers and kept them in a drawer. And I had so much joy when I saw them, but the perfectionistic part of my brain was like, no, don't put them on anything because it's permanent. And even though it's not, and you'll waste it. And so I don't know when the shift happened. I think it truly started with one sticker being like, I'm just gonna do it. And so now I proudly slap a sticker anywhere.
Sarah Lovell (05:25.358)
that on property that is mine, my laptop, my Kindle, my water bottles, because it brings me joy to see it. And I know that is a ridiculous example, but just take a second to think like, there something, I'll use the word small on this, is there something small in your life that you haven't done because your brain is like, well, what if it's not perfect? Something like stickers.
Right? Or maybe you have a piece of art that you love, but you haven't found the perfect place in your house to hang it. Or like, what if I hang it here, but then I get more pieces? You can move it. That's okay. Right? You're challenging. And I know that's uncomfortable. I know that can be an uncomfortable thought. So that's just one example. Another example is in my twenties, I thought about playing ukulele for years. I was like, it just looks like so fun. And like, it would seem like a
you know, enjoyable thing to be able to like have a song or two that you can play, not even for people, like just for myself. but I avoided taking lessons because I knew I wouldn't be good at it when I first started. So there was some rational thinking there that I acknowledged I'm not going to be good when I first start, but then there wasn't that kindness of like, you're allowed to not be good. You're allowed to struggle as you learn. You're allowed to experience discomfort.
And so during COVID, like the Zoom days of COVID, like I think it was like spring, like maybe, actually it might've been 2021, still COVID though. I was like, you know what? This is, I have time and I can learn it over Zoom with somebody. And so I signed up, I took a series of like, I think it was like five or seven classes.
And I was like, my goal is just to like learn a song. And I took the pressure off of like, I'm not gonna become this amazing ukulele player. And I learned the basics and I could stumble through Seven Nation Army by the White Stripes. And if you know that song, it is hysterical on a ukulele. And that brought me a ton of joy.
Sarah Lovell (07:41.42)
And I like recorded myself along the way, like the first time I was, like the first time I tried to play it versus the last time I have not picked up my ukulele guys and that's okay. I've given myself permission to let that just be a chapter. Maybe one day I'll pick it up again. But I took the pressure off the goal, right? And if you listen to the last episode, I talk about that. The goal wasn't to become this like amazing ukulele player. It was to get over the discomfort of picking it up, not being good at it.
and occasionally playing the white stripes seven nation army for my friends. So that's another example of like, perfectionism could have kept me from ever doing that. And I learned to laugh at myself through the process and let myself not be good. I also, one other goal that I had just for fun was wanting to relearn Spanish.
So I studied Spanish all through high school. I technically minored it in college. I studied abroad in Spain and in Costa Rica. And I was pretty conversational. Like I could get around, talk with people, read, understand pretty well because I was fully immersed in it. And then years went by where I wasn't really practicing Spanish and...
If you don't use it, you lose it as they say, which is very true. And so I wanted to re pick it back up just for fun with no expectations. Again, I took the pressure off the goal. But for years, I was like, yeah, yeah, one day I'll pick it back up again. I'll pick it back up again. But I had this like at the time, this pressure of, well, I'm not gonna be as good as I was when I was 22. Obviously, because when I was 22, I was...
living abroad and speaking in Spanish every day, right? So I was comparing myself to myself. So that's a unique form of perfectionism. It's maybe an advanced form. No, I'm just joking. But I was comparing myself to myself. I used to be able to do this very, very well and now I can't and that's uncomfortable and it's right. that's a form of perfectionism. And so I downloaded Duolingo. I do it a couple of minutes every day.
Sarah Lovell (10:04.11)
with no pressure of I'm not gonna be where I was over 10 years ago. And so making it, trying to turn that goal into something more fun versus comparing to myself. So I hope the main takeaway here is that perfectionism can steal your joy if you let it. And the first step,
of not letting it is noticing that it's happening. And so as you're listening to this episode, I want you to be on the lookout when this might be popping up in your life. Is there anything right now that pops into your head? Something that you want to do, but perfectionism is keeping you stuck. Whether it's trying a new recipe, picking up an instrument, returning to an old hobby that you haven't touched in many, many years, trying an art or craft project.
Joining a sports team, picking up a book. I get stuck with this one sometimes when I read a really good book and then I'm like, what if the next book isn't as good, right? Like just that little perfectionistic piece of my brain being like, I want the perfect book. Such a silly one, right? So how can you challenge that perfectionistic part of your brain that's trying to keep you stuck? It's trying to protect you. It truly is trying to do a good thing, but it just, it's not.
It's not doing a fully good thing because you want to do it. You want to do that task, right? It's trying to avoid the discomfort. And so first you have to acknowledge this is going to be uncomfortable. Name it for your brain. It's okay. We will be okay. And then take the pressure off. Like I talked about, make the goal smaller. You do not have to commit to the full thing. You do not have to commit to the perfect goal that your brain is telling you you do. And so when you take the pressure off,
What could starting look like? Right? Is it downloading Duolingo? Is it picking a random recipe that you have saved on Instagram that you saved and then never went to look back at, speaking from experience? Right? What could starting look like? So my homework for you, I don't normally give homework on these episodes, but if you would like to try something, I'm going to offer.
Sarah Lovell (12:26.74)
offer a homework assignment, but let's reframe it, because not many of us like homework. I'm going to offer an opportunity that you can take if you would like. I want you to pick one thing that you can do imperfectly on purpose, something small. And I want you to do it because it brings you joy and not because it needs to be perfect. So it could be anything that I just listed, right? And you're going to approach it with a good enough mindset.
Right that doing it is good enough, it does not need to look a certain way, it does not need to feel a certain way, in fact it's okay if it's uncomfortable you're practicing discomfort tolerance. And i'll give you an example of two small things that I do to let me practice being imperfect. So one is I love the New York time puzzles there's an APP it's free.
I play the connections and the mini. Those are my two favorites right now. I used to be a wordle girly, but the dopamine wore off on that. But I love those because some days I get it immediately. I feel like I'm on top of the world and a genius. And some days they get me stuck and I get like one of the connections figured out.
And then I can look at how ridiculous the categories were and be like, yeah, it's okay that I didn't get those. And if you play the game, you know. If you haven't tried them, highly recommend. It's less than five minutes a day of my time. And it does help me practice frustration tolerance and discomfort and not being perfect. Another thing I do occasionally is I will color or doodle at night when I watch TV. And it's a notebook that no one will ever see except me.
Like I used to I used to try to color for relaxation like those adult coloring books but I literally found it stressful because I would be like well this isn't the perfect color or I messed up the pattern and like that is ridiculous but that is how my brain was wired right so it's rewiring your brain to let go of those things and so now I have zero pressure when I color
Sarah Lovell (14:41.71)
because I'm like, this is not going anywhere. No one needs to see this. I'm not gifting it to anybody. It can live in this doodle notebook, color notebook that I have, and that's okay, right? So if you want to try practicing doing things that bring you joy, navigating the discomfort of when your perfectionistic part of your brain is popping up, I highly recommend picking something small.
picking something that you would truly enjoy, even if there is some discomfort there, and giving yourself credit along the way. That is huge. Every single time you do something, give yourself credit for it, because your brain autopilots to the negative thought. And so that's a practice every single day. Practice giving yourself credit for starting things. Give yourself credit for working through discomfort. Give yourself credit for taking a break when you need it. Give yourself credit.
So I hope you leave this episode with something that would bring you joy, something that you want to try. And I would love to hear if you accept this opportunity or homework assignment, whatever you want to call it. If you try this, I would truly love to hear how it's going for you. So send me a DM on Instagram or an email.
and let me know what you're doing to bring more joy into your life, because that would bring me joy. So thank you so much for being here today, and I look forward to talking with you again in the future.
