Why Motivation Feels So Hard & What to do About It
Why Motivation Feels So Hard & What to do About It
Motivation is one of the most common challenges I hear about as an ADHD and executive function coach. Whether it’s tackling a work task, managing household chores, or even engaging in hobbies you usually enjoy, motivation can feel like an elusive force.
But here’s the thing: you’re not alone, and you don’t have to rely on toxic positivity or the “just do it” mantra to get unstuck.
In this post, dig into practical, ADHD-friendly strategies to help you boost motivation and take action. Plus, explore how to navigate those inevitable low-motivation days with self-care and kindness.
What Is Motivation, and Why Does It Ebb and Flow?
Motivation is the driving force behind our behavior. It helps us start tasks, sustain focus, and push through challenges. However, it’s not a constant—especially for individuals with ADHD. Factors like mood, energy levels, novelty, and even external conditions like the weather can dramatically influence motivation.
For instance, if you thrive on sunny days, a gray, rainy day might zap your energy. Or, if you’re working on a goal that no longer feels fresh or exciting, your motivation might wane. Recognizing these factors and naming what’s influencing your mindset can reduce the pressure and help you move forward.
Intrinsic vs. Extrinsic Motivation: Why Both Matter
Motivation can stem from two main sources:
Intrinsic Motivation: Doing something because it’s enjoyable, meaningful, or personally fulfilling.
Extrinsic Motivation: Acting because of external rewards, deadlines, or accountability.
While both play a role, building intrinsic motivation by connecting a task to your personal "why" often leads to more sustainable and rewarding progress. As an executive function coach, I often help clients explore ways to tap into their intrinsic motivations to create lasting habits.
Five ADHD-Friendly Strategies to Build Motivation
Here are five actionable strategies to help you move forward when motivation feels out of reach:
1. Start Small
Feeling stuck? Start with the tiniest possible action. Instead of focusing on the entire task, ask yourself:
What’s the smallest step I can take right now?
For example, if you need to clean the kitchen, start by clearing one countertop. Small wins build momentum and make larger tasks feel more approachable.
Not sure how to break a task down? AI like Goblin Tools or ChatGPT can help you break big tasks down into smaller action steps.
2. Notice and Name Your Emotions
Sometimes, low motivation stems from underlying feelings like stress, overwhelm, or discomfort. Pause and check in:
What am I feeling right now?
Is there a way to reframe this task or show myself kindness?
Recognizing your emotions without judgment can help you move forward with less resistance.
3. Adjust Your Environment
Your surroundings can have a powerful impact on your motivation. For example:
If clutter overwhelms you, start by tidying one small area.
Use visual cues to prompt action, like placing workout clothes where you’ll see them first thing in the morning.
These small changes can make starting tasks easier for your ADHD brain.
4. Focus on Your "Why"
Reconnecting with your values can ignite intrinsic motivation. Ask yourself:
How does this task align with my goals or identity?
What makes this meaningful or enjoyable?
When you link your actions to what truly matters, they feel less like a chore and more like an opportunity.
5. Celebrate Small Wins
Don’t wait until a task is complete to celebrate progress. Every small step deserves recognition. Whether it’s writing one email or prepping for five minutes, give yourself credit for showing up—even if things aren’t perfect.
Why Consistency Isn’t Always Necessary
As Stephanie Harrison from The New Happy Co. says:
“Consistency is not a target to aim at. When it is, it can very quickly become a source of pressure and shame, which ironically leads to demotivation.”
Instead of striving for perfection or daily habits, focus on meaningful actions when you can. Progress is about moving forward at your own pace, not meeting an arbitrary standard of consistency.
Reflection Questions to Reignite Your Motivation
When motivation feels low, use these prompts to reflect and reset:
What’s one small change I can make to my environment to support my goal?
Why is this goal important to me? How can I make it more enjoyable?
What’s something I want to remind myself of when I’m feeling stuck?
Find Motivation That Works for Your Unique Brain
Motivation is an ongoing journey, especially for adults with ADHD. It’s natural to experience ebbs and flows, but practicing these strategies can help you take action with compassion and confidence.
If you’re ready to dive deeper into motivation, executive function skills, and creating systems tailored to your brain, executive function coaching is here to support you.
Curious about working with an executive function coach?
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Sarah Lovell (00:00)
One of the most common questions I get asked as an executive function and ADHD coach by clients is how can I be more motivated? How can I motivate myself to do the things that I need to do and the things that I want to do? If you struggle with motivation, this one is for you. And I also want you to know that you are not alone. Today, I'm talking about how to boost your motivation and take action.
but not in a gross, toxic, positivity, just do it way.
I'm also going to talk about how to take action even when you aren't motivated, because sometimes we need to do that too.
And of course I'll talk about self-care and being patient and kind with yourself when taking action just isn't the right fit. I'm so glad you're here.
So ironically, I was not motivated to record a podcast episode today. And I'm going to talk through that. And I'm also really excited to talk about how I talk about motivation with clients. So this episode on motivation was planned. I knew it was a topic that
I was going to record, I just did a workshop on motivation in Stuck To Started. So it's something that I've been doing a lot of thinking on and a lot of talking with clients about. And my plan was to record this episode last week, but time and energy and some scheduling conflicts, it just wasn't a fit. So I had to reschedule when I was going to record this episode.
So there are a couple of things that motivated me to record this episode when I wasn't feeling very motivated. First, I checked in with myself on like, why is this topic important to me? Like, do I wanna change the topic right now and just record something else? And I was like, no, no, I really want to record an episode on motivation
Today, it just wasn't like a high energy, can't wait to record type feeling. And so I let myself be okay with that. Like I wasn't gonna try to force myself to it up. And so that felt important. Like basically acknowledging like it's going to be uncomfortable to get started. And I think so for me, it wasn't like totally a motivation thing when I checked in with myself.
It was like, ugh, I have to do some outlining. It's also been a difficult week for context. I'm recording this episode on November 8th, 2024. So the election was this week and it was an extremely challenging week for me and for many of us. And so I talked with a lot of clients this week.
about motivation in a very different way, like giving yourself permission to adjust your plan, to practice self care differently, to name your feelings, right? And I think we oftentimes, when we're feeling stressed or overwhelmed or paralyzed, there were lots of words that came up this week, or when we're not feeling as motivated, I think a phrase that gets used a lot,
is that we're lowering our expectations. And if that phrase fits for you, keep it, use it, good. But for many people, that phrase doesn't sit right. It doesn't feel right. It doesn't feel good to lower your expectations, especially if you are somebody who is a perfectionist, somebody who cares a lot about other people and showing up for people and showing up for yourself.
people pleasers, many of us don't feel comfortable with that phrase, lowering our expectations. And especially when it comes to, and I'm talking about expectations for like your planning and like action taking. I'm not talking about expectations for the world. That's a totally different conversation. But so something that I reframe for myself and that I've offered to clients as a reframe,
is that you're not lowering your expectations. You're adjusting your plan and you're adjusting your expectations to fit reality. And this week, the reality is that there were massive world events that were extremely impactful. And so, yeah, that changed my motivation. That changed my energy. That changed my plan for the week.
There are lots of things that can change your reality, right? Your mood, your energy, your health. If you're someone with a menstrual cycle, all of those things can impact our motivation
and it can impact how you plan. So I wanna let you know that you're allowed to change your plans, especially on difficult weeks, like the one when I'm recording this episode. But if any week or any day or any moment is particularly challenging to you, you have full permission to change your plan. And so I think that's really important. I wanted to make sure that I shared that.
So yeah, I was not feeling my most motivated to hop on here and record an episode today, but I checked in on my why, I'm gonna share some concrete strategies later in the episode that you can use when you're navigating motivation, but I checked in with my why. Why was this important to me?
also, like I said, I gave myself a little bit of an opt out, like, do I want to pick an easier topic? Or do I want to pick something that might be a lighter lift for me to do? when I gave myself that permission to change the plan, I was like, No, no, I, I really do want to record this. before we fully jump in to this episode, I want to share an important reminder.
If motivation is a chronic challenge for you across all areas of your life or many areas of your life and on a broader scale, I want you to know that talking with a medical provider or a mental health professional can be a really valuable resource because your health and your mental health impact motivation.
And this episode is not health or mental health advice, but I want you to know that if your motivation is a chronic, constant struggle, that those resources are there for you and you deserve that level of support. So the motivation I'm going to be talking about today is kind of more that day to day challenge or people use the word struggle. But again, with
With everything that I share on here, I want to remind you to take what's helpful, adjust it to fit for you, and leave what's not.
All right, so before we jump into some strategies that you can try, I want to define motivation because I think that that's an important way to kind of give us a little bit more framework for this. So we all have kind of a picture in our head or even maybe a feeling that comes up, but I really like these definitions of motivation. So first motivation is the desire to take action towards a goal.
It's the driving force behind behavior. It's required for survival and directly relates to chemicals in our brain. It's what helps us start things. So think task initiation, that lovely executive functioning skill that can be very, very challenging. And motivation is also what keeps us going when things are tough. And so what I really love about these definitions of motivation is that they are
very action driven, right?
we hear the action in those definitions. But I really, really like the last definition, especially on a challenging week like this. Motivation is what keeps us going when things are tough.
And so I want to just, again, throw in a couple of reminders that motivation can ebb and flow. And as I mentioned earlier, there are a lot of factors that impact motivation. So first, energy, right? When we have higher energy or more energy, it's easier to activate. It's easier to take action.
interest. If there is something that you are excited to learn about, you have a high drive to connect with it, like high interest, then it's going to be easier to take action. Also tying in with that is novelty. So if your brain gets a big spike of dopamine when something new comes into your world, whether it's a new goal, a new book,
a new hobby, something new that you're learning that you're really excited about. There is that massive spike of dopamine that boosts motivation to start working on it and to work on it for a longer period of time, right? If you think about like flow, but novelty also wears off. And so that's where motivation can start to drop, right? I talk about the honeymoon period.
So motivation can ebb and flow with novelty. Mood is a huge one. I'm not even gonna go into it because that's a whole nother podcast episode on mood. But if you think about when you're feeling good and whatever words that you use to describe that, it's easier to do things that you want and need to do. Because motivation is so tricky because...
A lot of times we think about motivation for the things that we need to do, Like emptying the dishwasher, going grocery shopping, responding to that work email.
Motivation can also ebb and flow with things that you like to do, things that you value, hobbies, spending time with people, the things that you in the past have been excited about, but maybe in this current moment, you just don't feel that spark, right? There's that ebb and flow. And I feel like motivation for things that we want to do can be even more challenging because there is that underlying desire.
of I enjoy this thing, I value this thing, I want to do this thing, how can I get myself to take action on it? And so again, that reminder of if that is a chronic, chronic challenge for you, that might be a sign that getting some additional mental health or physical health support could be a good fit. I'm not saying that is true for everyone.
Right? Like that's an ebb and a flow, but if it's a chronic challenge, I just really want to validate that mental health support is there for you.
Other things that impact our motivation is our environment. And I'm going to talk more about things that you can do to your environment to boost motivation and to help you feel better about the things that you want and need to do. And when I talk about environment, I mean our physical environment, right? Like your home, your office, where you're spending your time, but also our social environment, who are we around? And then obviously the weather.
Weather is a huge one for me. So I am originally from New Hampshire and gray days, rainy days are hard for me. I have less energy, I have less motivation on a gray rainy day. Blue skies, something about it just like is an immediate mood boost for me. But I've also talked with other people who are the opposite, where they're like, I love a cozy day. My brain does not feel cozy on a gray rainy day.
Right, so different weather can impact motivation. And I've already mentioned physical health and mental health as being factors. But another factor that I feel like is being talked about more is the season of life that you're in. And that's a phrase that I really, like that. Not only do we have weather seasons, but we have seasons of life. And those can change based on events.
circumstances, things that we have going on in our lives. So a client, for example, has a toddler at home. Like that's a very different season of life for her of how do I navigate my day to day with a toddler? Like that that's totally new, right? And I'm not a parent, but I can imagine the different challenges that come going from baby phase to toddler phase and how that
how that impacts her as a mom, as a person, and this season of life, right?
Another season of life could be navigating a move or a change.
So there are lots of things that could be impacting your seasons of life, but basically think about something is changing and it's a period of time, right?
So there are lots of things that can impact motivation. And so if you're noticing an ebb or a flow of motivation, checking in on some of these factors and being able to name for yourself, okay, my motivation for this is dipping a little bit because it's no longer new and exciting. Or my motivation to go outside today or to go and run errands today is low because it's
gray and cold and rainy, right?
I think it's a really important reminder to ourselves to name these things because it just, gives our brain a little sense of calm, right? Name it to tame it.
So if you have taken a psych class at any point in time, you've heard the phrase intrinsic motivation and extrinsic motivation, right? Where does our motivation come from? so intrinsic motivation comes from within us. You're doing the thing because you enjoy it. It's meaningful to you. And it connects to your why and to your identity.
extrinsic motivation, there are some outside forces motivating you, whether it's other people or rewards. So you're doing the thing because you will either be rewarded or punished.
Most of us need a mix of intrinsic and extrinsic motivation. We can't just rely on one or the other.
So we are going to talk about both intrinsic and extrinsic motivation and how to build both of those up. But before we jump into that, want to share
important reminders. You do not need to worry about consistency. You do not need to do something every day or every X number of whatever. You do not need to be consistent.
with your action or with your goals. And I think that is kind of a radical thing to say and to believe because of the messaging that we get. And so I am a huge fan of Stephanie Harrison. you can follow her on Instagram. It is the new happy co and she is a researcher and she focuses
all of her research and all of her content that she shares is about how to reframe happiness and the new way of thinking about happiness, the new way of thinking about motivation and kind of challenging the messaging that we've gotten. And so she has an amazing quote that I'm going to read to you because I just think it is so powerful. Consistency is not a target to aim at.
When it is, it can very quickly become a source of pressure and shame, which ironically leads to demotivation. So when we focus on trying to do something every single day or every week or whatever it is, when we put the pressure on ourselves that we need to hit a metric, it demotivates us. And it creates that shame, right? Of like, I didn't hit it.
or I couldn't do it today, right? And that's the old messaging that you need to be consistent for it to count or for it to be good, right? Or for you to be motivated, you need to keep showing up. And that's just not true. It's okay to not feel
I'm gonna say it again. It is okay to not feel motivated. That is a natural...
ebb and flow and circumstances that can impact us. allow yourself to feel your feelings. Check in with yourself to see if there is something that you can pinpoint that's impacting your motivation, right? Those factors that I talked about earlier. And again, if it's a chronic challenge, get support.
So let's talk about what you maybe came to this episode for, which is how do you build motivation? And I'm gonna give you five concrete strategies to pick from, choose from. It's a menu, right? There's no magic solution, right? Take what's helpful for you, adjust it to fit and leave what isn't helpful. So first I am going to...
have you think about intrinsic motivation, right? That motivation that comes from within us, from within you. So we wanna shift your motivation from extrinsic to intrinsic. How do we do that? And as I said, you do still need some extrinsic motivation, but we really wanna build up that intrinsic motivation. So how do you make something
intrinsically motivating. You make it enjoyable, you make it meaningful, and you make it important to you. So there are a couple of questions that you can ask yourself.
How can I make pursuing this
experience? What is my why? Why is this goal important to you? How does this goal connect to my identity?
What would it look like to throw this goal out and
a new joyful one instead? And that question is from the new happy.
What can I remind myself when I'm feeling stuck on this goal?
So these are all questions that I ask clients in Stuck2Started. This is a workshop that we
did.
People came with specific goals that they wanted to take
action on, but were feeling stuck on. And so we thought about how does motivation impact this goal and how can you shift your thinking about this goal to boost your motivation. And again, not in a gross toxic productivity, just do it mindset. Cause that is not the vibe here. So if you're feeling stuck,
or motivation is not where it used to be or where you want it to be, ask yourself some checking questions. Coach yourself.
The second piece of this is noticing, naming, and regulating your emotions. Easier said than done. That is a huge, that is huge, right? So if you're feeling stressed or anxious thinking about the goal or the task or uncomfortable, there are a couple of things that you can do. So first is naming it. Like I said, when we name things for our brain, it gives us a little sense of comfort.
This is also where you're going to practice reframing your thoughts and giving yourself reminders. That self talk piece is huge. You want to be patient and kind with yourself. And if you're not sure what those things are, that's exactly what we do in Cirque Du Certe is I help people create reframes and reminders that fit for them. Right. But this could be just looking for what are some things that if I were to say to myself,
It feels good, right? It's a way to practice patience and kindness with myself. You're going to practice any coping strategies, right? Whether it's mindfulness or breathing exercises, you really want to like help yourself feel a little bit more grounded. So for example, before pressing record on this podcast, I went outside and had some screen free sunshine time, right? To kind of just
re-center myself, re-ground myself, and mentally prepare for some discomfort, right? Like getting started on things is uncomfortable, and I named that for myself. But now that I'm in a flow and I've been talking for I don't know how long at this point, I'm so happy I did this today, right? Like even though the motivation was like a little bit iffy. And then give yourself permission to take a break, which that's exactly again what I did with this.
with this episode. I shifted when I had it scheduled. I allowed myself a little bit more flexibility, right? I was kind and patient to myself. It takes a lot of practice. It's something I'm constantly practicing. Okay, third, the third thing that you can do to boost motivation is start small.
small realistic steps.
few reminders for you. These are some reframes. It's not all or nothing. It won't be perfect and that's okay. And your small steps add up and can help build motivation. So if you think about the last time that you like were almost feeling stuck or feeling dread about starting something, that uncomfortable feeling that entire time that you were like leading up to it or like dragging it out, that discomfort.
But then imagine that moment as soon as you started doing it, like that relief, that weight off of your shoulders. And you're like, I feel so much better now that I've started. And I can keep going, right? Like it builds up that motivation. So a question I always ask is what is the smallest, most realistic step you can take to start?
Fourth, give yourself more credit. So do not wait until you accomplish the goal, cross the finish line, check off all the boxes. You're good at it, right? Don't wait for those things to give yourself credit. Give yourself credit for thinking about it. Give yourself credit for taking any amount of action. And most importantly, give yourself credit for navigating challenges as they pop up.
even if the outcome or the action wasn't what you were thinking it was going to be or what you were hoping it was going to be. Like you are working through challenges. So give yourself credit for that.
The fifth, I think I'm on five, the fifth thing is that your environment is almost more important than motivation. Radical, radical, radical. I'm not saying motivation isn't important. It is, but it's not everything. So think about the space where you would work on this task or this activity or this goal. What would that space ideally look like? Not in a perfect world.
What are some small realistic changes that you could make to your environment? So I was talking with a client about this earlier in the week. She has a goal that she wants to do more cooking at home. And part of the challenge for getting started with cooking and part of the motivation challenge for cooking was that her kitchen was a little messy.
happens to the best of us, right? And so she was like, I literally can't cook because the dishwasher is clean and it hasn't been unloaded yet. The dirty dishes are piling up. They're starting to like overflow into the counter area where I would cut up vegetables and like prep food. But I like walk into the kitchen and I immediately feel overwhelmed. There's no way I want to cook. I'm going to end up doing takeout or doing something different.
And so that's a great example of environment impacting motivation. So we talked about, okay, the goal isn't to start cooking right away because there are steps that need to happen before that. So we focused on what are some small realistic changes that she could make to the kitchen and how could she keep up with that, right? Like what were some flows that we could get, that she could get into to empty the dishwasher.
keep the dishes like in a cycle, right? Their kitchen's never gonna be totally clean because we're always going in there and using it, most of us anyway. So it's okay if the first step of a goal is not actually the goal itself, if it's setting the stage for it, that counts.
Vision is also a really powerful tool when it comes to motivation. So visual cues create a catalyst for behavior change. So what you see makes a really big difference. So think about when you walk into your living room, what is the first thing you see? Is it the TV remote or is it a book?
one of my goals was to read more and my brain autopilots, just like yours, are your brain autopilots, my brain autopilots to the path of least resistance or to the thing that we're most comfortable with or the thing that is going to be the lightest lift. And for a long time for me, that was after work at night, unplugging and watching some Netflix. And so,
When I set the goal of I want to be a reader, one of the small environmental changes that I made was I put a book on top of my TV remote. And this example, think, even is listed in the book Atomic Habits, right? So what you want to do is make your goal visually obvious. Make the thing that you want to do more of in your face.
so that you can see it in a good way, in a good way. And then if there are things that you want to be doing less of, make that less visually obvious for you. So a couple of strategies to try on this. Like I did with my goal, like moving things so that I could see visual reminders of the actions that I wanted to take. If you're somebody who's creative, I know you want to create like a visual.
like a vision board or some sticky notes. Those can sometimes be helpful.
I'm gonna do a quick recap of those five strategies that you can try because I'm guessing you might be multitasking, which I love. Podcasts are a great thing to multitask with. So some strategies that you can try to build motivation. One, start intrinsically. Focus on your why. Two, notice and name your emotions. Three, start super small.
Four, give yourself credit for each step of the way, especially when you're navigating challenges. Five, set up your environment for success. Create some visual cues for yourself.
Motivation is something that I talk about every single week. It is really on the forefront of most people's minds, especially when it comes to working on goals, right? Whether that's your big goal that you're setting for yourself or even our day-to-day goals, right? The things that we're constantly doing over and over again and wanting to...
create systems and support so that you can take action and so that you can get unstuck when challenges come up. So motivation is an ongoing topic in my coaching membership, Stuck to Started.
One of the things I love about this community is that we are constantly revisiting this conversation on motivation and what it looks like and what challenges are popping up. And having community and support can really make all the difference.
So I will leave you with a couple of questions for you to think on. One, when you aren't feeling motivated about a task, what is something that you want to remind yourself? Two, what is one small change to your environment that you can make will support your goal and your motivation?
Three, why is this goal important to you? How can you make it more fun, more enjoyable, and more meaningful? And as a friendly, friendly, friendly reminder, it's okay if you need to change your plan. It's okay if things look different. It's okay if you aren't feeling motivated.
I am so glad you're here. Thank you so much for sticking with me on this one. Take extra good care.
